Confession time: I am not a blogger!
I sit here, I sift through my thoughts searching for something to say, I sit some more, and I log out of my page, discouraged, because I have nothing good to say. I have no amazing insights to give. I cannot dig through my own layers to find something of meaning to give to you. BUT I’m supposed to be able to do this. Sooooo… why do I find it so hard to write?
I find joy in reading everyone’s blogs. They have such great things to share, and they are so smart, and they have beautiful hearts, and I am SO EXCITED to be in this with all of them! Am I the only one struggling with not being able to blog?! Probably not, but it certainly feels like it. I’ve decided that I’m just going to start typing about my feelings about this next phase, and when I run out of things to say, this blog will come to an end. Ready?
I leave for training camp in a little over four months. I leave for launch in six. What?! Where in the world did time go?! I started this journey last May or June. That was when I decided I was applying for the this race, and that is when my financial priorities changed, my spiritual priorities got on track, and all these crazy feelings of excitement, fear, nervousness, etc. started. It has already been crazy. I’ve met 46 new brothers and sisters in Christ, I’ve skyped with like, six of them, I text on and off with a few of them. And I’m starting to feel like I’m closer with them than I am with most people I know. I think about them all the time, I pray that their fundraising is going well because I want them on this journey with me.
God has helped me to be quick in opening my heart to all these people I haven’t met, but will in just six months. He has also helped me to be quick in opening my heart to my squad. I think about all the kids we will meet, and how excited I am to show them just how unconditionally loved they really are. I think (and am slightly nervous) about going door to door and just praying with people. I think about the things that we will build (other than relationships.) I think about the ministry contacts we will meet, and how loving I already know they are. I think about how much this is going to change me, and I am thrilled!
On the other hand, I think about all the people that have loved me dearly here. I think about not seeing the families that have been so kind as to invite me to their homes for the holidays. I think about all the kids I already know, and care for so much, and how I am going to miss them. I think about my church, and how I’m going to miss Sundays when I’m gone. Every once in awhile I realize just how close launch is, and I start missing these people even though they are right next to me. But… mostly… I pray. I pray that my church continues to grow, that the kids continue to learn about and love God, I pray that the few needs I meet for people are still met while I’m gone. I don’t worry though. I don’t worry that things will be different when I get back. I know they will, and I’m ok with that, because I’ll be different when I get back. I don’t worry because I know that the people that love me now… they will love me then. I don’t worry because I know and trust that God provides.
I don’t worry because God is still God no matter where I am,
no matter what is going on. And no matter what happens… I trust Him.
To everyone God has been so gracious to bless me with,
I love all of you. I am thankful for everything that you have done for me. You have loved me dearly, and taught me to love. You have shown me God in your actions, and I hope that I can do the same for all the people whose paths I cross. I pray for you all now, and will continue when I am on this crazy journey. And you want to know something I probably wouldn’t say out loud? I want all the hugs I can get before I leave. I want to be here with you as much as I can before I leave. I’m going to be gone for eleven months! Thank you for all of the prayers, the support, and the love. I couldn’t have found a better church body. I am so so so thankful for First Christian Church and all I have learned being here. I am also thankful for all people who have crossed my path and taught me something along the way.
Shaylee
