I have spent many moments on the race caught up in how God most have gotten this wrong; this isn’t how my life was supposed to be. Many of them are silly thoughts like… how I miss the clothes from back home that express “me” or my massive desire to devour pretty much any meal my mother cooks. Other longings are not quite as silly like the need for a giant hug from my parents or staying up way to late with my best friend laughing until it hurts and knowing we can say anything because we have already been through so much. It is so easy to get caught up in the way things “should” be. The thought process of “shoulds” is not always my far away dreams of home though; it happens to me when I am striving to be present in the moment God has me in too. Yesterday we prayed for a family that had been poisoned with the intention of killing all of them because they were from a different tribe. I find myself angry at all the pain and “should be” around me.
I started reading a book called “One Thousand Gifts” by Ann Voskamp. The author has been through many hard situations in her life and found herself in a negative, draining thought pattern. At some point though she realized this was no way to live and made what seems to be one small change. This small changed started with a piece of paper, a pencil, and the willingness to see the world with a thankful heart. Her eyes were opened up to the small miracles God had swirling around her. As I read this book I was overtaken with excitement. I want to be romanced by all that surrounds me, not consumed by the “shoulds”. Why don’t we live this way? This way of life is almost rebellious to the way society tells us to live. We live in this whirlwind of life believing that if we are just a little busier, have a little more stuff, and have more people in our lives that at some point the ache of our hearts will go away. I am not saying that God doesn’t use people or things to bless our lives, but I think He blesses us so much more than we are aware of. The rebellious way of living in constant thankfulness seems a bit overwhelming to me sometimes. I would much rather curl up in my warm bed in America thinking that I deserve it rather than sitting in Rwanda waiting on Jesus to show up.
Then I realize that I am missing out on so many of God’s gifts. So I am choosing to push through my messed up way of thinking and open my heart to the abundant thankfulness hiding inside. I want to immerse my heart in an ocean of thankfulness, opening my senses to creation, and write down all the gifts I find as if I am playing a word game with Jesus….
1. Waking up to the sound and smell of the refreshing African ran on the tin roof
2. Living my fifteen minutes of fame- being chased down the road by African children just because they want to touch my hand
3.The glimmer in people’s eyes after you have prayed for them and Jesus has changed them forever
Beauty, charm, and adventure are all around us let’s choose to accept them as the gifts they are from God and let thankfulness flood every cell of our bodies.
“Let them thank the Lord for His steadfast love, for His wondrous works to the children of man.”
Psalm 107:8
