Surprise I am back in Oklahoma…
I left for Romania just over a month ago knowing that God was going to do AMAZING things in me. I fully believed that all of those things would take place in countries around the world, that somehow being taken out of the comfort of Oklahoma City God would be able to change me. I realized that I may not have been entirely correct in having this thought. Yes God is changing me, but it doesn't all need to take place in foreign lands.
I headed back to the states about a week ago. I wish I could say I was jumping for joy to head back to the comfort of home…. but I wasn't. I was frustrated that I had to say good bye to a woman that has had a great impact on my life, that the World Race had finally just started feeling like home, and that I was taking a journey by myself that I never expected to have to make. At the time I was not even sure that this is what God wanted me to do, but now without a doubt I know that this was part of the healing in my heart.
There were some people from my past that I had not even realized still held open a wound in my heart, but God was bound and determined to create healing for me and I hope for them as well. I was a nursery worker at a church when I was in college. My life was very different at the time and I was not at the best place to make decisions. Anyway I left my position at that church believing that some of the heartache I was feeling was because of that place. So many years pasted that I didn't even know this was still laying wide open deep in my heart. It was brought my attention when I realized the funeral I was to attend was being lead by the pastor of the church I had left. After a long day of remembrance I found myself at a table with the pastor and his wife. We had a wonderful conversation about numerous topics and that is when I realized God was recreating my past memories of the people sitting in front of my and their church. This is more of a blessing than I can fully express!
I also was able to reconnected with several people from high school. This was another situation that I was not terribly excited about. In the end it was nice to reconnect and realize that people are just people and the wounds that I was holding on to need to just be washed away. So I took a deep breath ,retold stories of us being ridiculous kids, and laugh away the pain I once held on to.
This is only a couple of the healing things that God did by bringing me back to the great state of Oklahoma. With these great things though I started to question whether I was really supposed to be on the World Race. I was worrying that maybe I just did it to run away from thing that I needed to deal with here and that maybe I should stay instead of running back to the field. I thought about how nice it is to be home with my family and my amazing best friend. They understand that I am grumpy much of the time, that I make facial expressions I don't know I am making, and that my tone of voice may not reflect what I am actually trying to get across. On the other hand God provide ALL the funds for me to go on the World Race, was that a mistake? I also have created some really great relationship in the month I was in Romania. These are people that have the ability to help Jesus change me into a hopefully better woman. Either way it is a very hard decision to make, or is it…
Then I realized that on my left wrist God placed a word to direct my path… Go
Will it be easy?
Not at all.
Will it be life changing?
Without a doubt.
So I will be on a plane tomorrow to make the trek to Moldova.
Psalm 32:8
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
