August 10, 2007
On our first day at The Well, I walked in feeling really intimidated by the women. I didn’t know how they would react to me. I look like a massive white giant in this Thai world of tiny people. I know I’m called here but I can’t help but think what if they don’t want me? What if they don’t like me? Then we introduced ourselves by name and age. I was blown away at how young they were, only 14, 15, and 16, for the most part. A few girls were around twenty and maybe a couple women in their thirties. I just remember thinking wow they are so young! I need to just love and accept them whether they accept me or not. I was given the opportunity to share my story, and hear some of their stories. Long story short; my heart broke for those girls, and the tears started rolling down my face. My heart filled with compassion and all my fear was gone.
The fist night out we took it really slow walking around seeing all the girls, overwhelmed by just the number of them. Then watching all the lady boys put their makeup on and getting ready for the night, feeling heart broken and shell shocked for the most part. We paired up so I was with Mal and we mostly prayed and walked around trying to take it all in. Just smiling and looking into their eyes just a little bit longer then normal, letting them know that we see them. I just wanted to say to them so badly “hey hold on… there is hope… your worth more then you know… your loved more then you can understand….. hold on”. I was screaming on the inside and my heart was breaking. All I could do was pray and bless them. I knew Jesus was the answer to their pain but I couldn’t tell them with just words. Most of them have never heard of Jesus. The only language that can truly reach them is unconditional love, love with no strings. I don’t think anyone has given them that, not with out Jesus anyway.
Yesterday one of the girls from the well went out at night to meet a man she knew and she was locked in a room and raped. They let her go in the morning, she was told to bring another friend next time. She came back to the well crying. Jim and others were up all night looking for her. He told the girls that he won’t just let them go, even if they run away, he will look for them, no matter what, and that they will always be welcome back. I don’t think any of them are used to hearing that kind of talk.
Last night we took a girl out bowling and to karaoke, we were just four girls out having fun together. We paid her bar fee, only about 15 dollars so that gives her the night off, and gives us the chance to show her some love. We love because Jesus first loved us.
Love isn’t cheap it costs you everything. However, I know it’s worth it.
Tonight we went down to the bars again, we went in groups of 2 or 3, trying to start new relationships with the girls, and following up with other girls that we had met before. I met a lady-boy named C, two new girls, named U-Pin, and Ducky, and we followed up with two other girls named Tie, and Apple. As we were sitting talking to U-Pin, I was watching what was happening behind her with the men and the other girls at the bar. Then U-Pin caught me off guard and said to me “you look very sad”. I said oh I’m sorry I was just watching the people behind you and it upset me. As U-Pin shared some of her story with us about a man that she was with for four years who abandon her, I was filled with compassion and found myself fighting back the tears.
I loved talking to the girls tonight and look forward to seeing them again and maybe taking them out bowling. Bowling is the thing to do in Thailand, who knew?
In Thailand girls are expected to support their family and are often the top money earners; as a result a lot of the girls are working in the city to send money to their parents that live in the country side. Many parents use their children to make money, even from the time they are born. C the lady-boy I met tonight told me that he has been a lady-boy since he was five years old; he showed me a picture of him with his mother when he was five. I have heard that parents will often pick the jobs for their children, and lady-boys make good money, so they start them early so that they learn to be more lady-like and they lose most of the male identity they have.
What is cool to me is that God loves us all so much, that He takes a girl like me, and other girls from America and sends us into these dark places. But he does all the work, it’s not up to us, we are just the vessels He chose to use. I am honored to be chosen in used, He deserves all the credit. All love comes from Jesus; He did the work it takes to even get us to the place where we could be ok doing this. It is so incredible to me how
we get to see Jesus as we love others.
Love brings hope, both to me and to others, we are all broken people. One thing I know is that
Jesus is our only hope, without Jesus this world would be in big trouble.
