I am
seeking God’s face more and more on this trip and trying to get more of Him. I have some
bad fruit that is being exposed and my
pride and
selfishness is taking a beating. My
tongue is out of control, and my
respect and
submission to leadership is always hard. The battle raging in my mind is trying to sift through truth and lies about whether we really love each other or not on this trip. Will God use each of us to really show love from Him to each other?
Ultimately,
can I trust these people?
Or can I trust God in these people?
Or is it a question of
if I can truly trust God to love me? Because He put me with these people for a year, my life is in His hands, right?
I guess this all shows my lack of faith as well.
I have been having a really
hard time loving my teammates. To really love them takes lots of effort and you can’t fool them, they know when you love them and when you don’t. You really have to love them to invest in them for real. I don’t have that much love.
I am falling way short. It is easier to love on people you don’t have to spend all your time with; you can love cute kids, little grannies and random people you don’t really know, but
when you need to love your teammates, sometimes perceived as your enemies, is when your true colors show. You can’t produce love, only God can. So now I’m sitting at the feet of Jesus asking for more. Please pray for my teammates and me.
We need more of Jesus, I guess we all do.
Ephesians 3:16 – 17
I pray that from His glorious unlimited resources He would empower you with inner strength through His spirit.
Then
Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and
keep you strong.
