I’m a hot mess. At least, that’s what I say to myself sometimes when I start to think about how I’ve messed up this week, how I’ve hurt someone, or how much I still have to grow. Every snappy comment, eye roll, selfish thought, or independent action causes me to feel less like Christ and more like a crisis.
In these times, I can only see the bad in me and am really hard on myself. I hate that I still struggle with selfishness, frustration, or impatience. I beat myself up for not having fixed all my issues yet. How dare I forget to put others before myself? I should have completely gotten rid of all selfishness. I graduated from all faults by becoming a Christian—by being a missionary. I should be all fixed and perfect by now. Right?
Not quite.
Over the last few months, I’ve started to realize that God doesn’t expect us to have it all together, and to think that we’re supposed to be perfect and never mess up, even on the World Race, is ridiculous. He knew what He was purchasing before He sent His son, and our messes and flaws where written in big, bold print on the front of the package. In fact, He wrote it there. He knew exactly how messed up we would be when He made us, yet He completely loved us still.
God knew that there would always be something to work on or improve. In fact, that’s what He desires from us: to seek His face and dig so deep into His love that we would behold the messiness of ourselves compared to Him, that we would realize just how far we have to go to be His image in this world, that we would be challenged to get our act together. In fact, you will probably see more that’s wrong with yourself after Christ than you did before Christ, and that’s when you’ll start to feel like a hot mess… but it’s actually a good thing. It’s an important step.
You have to realize how flawed you are in order to recognize the holiness and perfection of God and appreciate His love, grace, and patience with you. So soak in all the things that you see lacking. It will be hard and very painful because no one likes to own up to the things they do wrong or the bad traits that they have, but trust me, it’s good for you. It will push you towards God because He’s the only one who can fix our mess. So after we see the mess and see our flaws, udon’t sit there crying about them, get up and work on them.
And this “working on them” is not an easy process. It is long, and tedious, and takes lots of time and patience with God and yourself. This is what I’ve had to learn the hard way, and it’s actually what makes me the most frustrated. I want to leave the Race having fixed my major issues and being a perfect member of community. I don’t want to offend people or mess up anymore. I want to always act like Jesus. Yet, in reality, it’s not a quick fix. Yes, God wants to make my life into something holy, but He does it one layer at a time. He picks something to break us in and work on, and then He moves on to another, but there’s no timetable on how long it will take us to learn each lesson or make each improvement. It’s a process. Usually a really loooonnng process. You may find yourself still working on the same selfishness or anger after years of growth. I’m learning that that’s okay though. God is patient and wants to take His time with us to produce a perfect growth.
In Hebrews 13:21 Paul prays:
Now may the God of peace…equip you with everything good that you may do his will, working in us that which is pleasing in his sight, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory forever and ever. Amen.
Paul does say that God has already worked everything in us that is pleasing to Him—He is work-ING! Everyday God is doing a new work in us and we move a little farther down the path to be less of mess. We are made a little more into His image and come a little closer to being Christ-like. So even when I mess up, I can see my mess ups as learning opportunities and take the bumps on the road as part of building blocks to get me where I need to go. I have to give myself grace to work hard on getting better but still celebrate my progress. God deserves to get glory for the growth that I DO see. His work in me deserves to be praised.
So if you’re like me and find yourself looking at everything wrong in you and not noticing what He’s already done, take a step back and know that you’re a work in progress. As long as you’re obedient and faithful to what He’s asking you to do, you’ll continue to be shaped more and more into the person He wants you to be.
So embrace the hot mess. God made it to be beautiful.
