Every girl wants to be pursued. She wants her words to be heard. She wants to be taken care of but still feel like she has something great to offer. Every girl desires to be desired and adored.
Three years ago I realized how bad I was at picking guys to date, and guarding my heart, AND being me when I could so easily figure out what whatever guy I liked at the time liked. I would change myself to be what was desired.
So I prayed. I prayed unless it was a guy I knew I shouldn’t date (example- not a Christian) then not to have any guys ask me out unless it was the guy God wanted me to marry. I was so sick of the pain and manipulation. I was sick of not knowing and being in a position where I could or did hurt someone just because I didn’t know how to be smart about dating.
It seemed like a wise prayer at the time, and believe me…it was. The thing is, sometimes wisdom hurts. My last semester of college (graduated this May!) was really hard on me. I felt so alone and angry about being alone. I was angry at God for giving me a desire that He wasn’t fulfilling.
Then He directed me to the world race.
I said no.
Then He put a burning in me for the people I will meet and tell the gospel. He gave me excitement to know what true community looks like. He showed me how He will change me and how beautiful it will be when He does.
I didn’t want to give up another year to Him. Let’s be honest~ I’m a 25 yr old single girl in the south…. If I wasn’t worried there was something wrong with me my culture worried for me.
God isn’t worried.
Seriously.
I finally got over my whole “wah I wanna be married right now” stage and realized God is doing something great that if I were married wouldn’t be able to do (possibly). So my prayer changed from “send my man already” to “help me not be distracted by guys on the world race”…
Once that happened, God gushed on me. During training camp alone, He had been setting me aside in many different situations to tell me through His word and other people that I am beautiful, adored, and desirable. God’s love is constant and I can’t manipulate it. God’s love is pure and not in reaction to anything I do. I am His, in all my weird quirky messiness. I am pursued right now. I am whole and because of that, patience is less of a fight and more of a basking in the sun.
Truely… "Come near to God and he will come near to you." James 4:8
p.s. my route has changed and training camp was ridiculous (more posts to come) 🙂
