(There are far too many gems from this past week to choose from, so I’m just gonna pick one & go with it.)
I have been living most of my life like God is dead. Yes, I have professed belief/faith in Him, but I’ve been living as if He was dead.
I longed to hear God’s voice for so long, but doubted His ability to speak to me. I ached to see people healed and freed, but just believed that it was just something God back in the old days. I desired to love and live freely, but felt I had to be perfect or nobody, especially God, would love me.
I am so glad God is bigger than my doubts, fears, and confusion.
For the past year or so, I have been completely jealous of peoples’ ability to hear from God and to know His heart. I wanted that for myself, but didn’t think I was good enough. This past week broke that.
One morning before breakfast, we (C squad) decided to pray over one of our girls (which made us horribly late for breakfast- but that’s another super cool God story). Andrea has had headaches and migraines for years. She asked for prayer and healing, which we’d just had a session on the day before. As we were praying, all these people were getting all these super encouraging words from God for her & praying for her healing. Me- not so much. I was so frustrated. I just kept hearing these worship songs that we’d sung the night before. That’s nothing new. There’s pretty much always a song playing in my head. Anyways. So I was praying and asking God for some words to encourage Andrea when it hit me. We were supposed to take some time to worship and sing the song in my head. I remembered one of the speakers talking about how worshiping and and putting the focus on God can sometimes bring healing. I finally worked up the courage to speak up, though I couldn’t remember the name of the song. As we began to sing to Jesus, I felt His peace fall over us. It was so beautiful.
After we finished singing and praying, we asked Andrea how she was feeling. She said her muscles were more relaxed, the nausea was gone, and her pain had improved. Sometimes God heals completely, sometimes He just gives us strength to carry us through our struggles. Either way, He is glorified. But through that time of prayer and worship, I was so encouraged that He loved me enough to speak to me. Obviously, I’m still learning to recognize His voice, but He is so very patient. He delights in having a relationship with us.
There are so many other stories I could (& will) tell you about how God moved, spoke, and healed, but let me just tell you something. God is NOT dead, He is surely alive. He’s living on the inside. (Shameless Newsboys steal, I know, but it’s true.) I’ve waited all my life to have this confirmed to me. I’ve waited all my life to know that I’m living for a God that loves us and is personally invested in us. I fought depression because I thought I served a God that may or may not be around and may or may not be capable of all the things the Bible says about Him. So this has such a feeling of…o how do I describe it? Vindication, maybe? With a post-sobbing sigh? Yes, that sounds about right. I know I’ve heard those things about God all my life, but He has made it so real & evident this past week. And He is beautiful, let me just tell you!
So how about you? Have you been living as if God’s dead? Have you been longing to see God show just how big and alive and amazing He is? Just ask. He loves to show Himself to us!
If you have any questions or if you would like to find out how you can be a part of this, please let me know. I would LOVE to talk to you!
