How do you measure the changes in people? I know I've changed. However, changes emerge slowly. Sometimes God wrecks our world and dramatic transformations occur. Most of the time, especially for me, God changes me through slow, patient discipline. I was reminded of this as I was reading Andrew Murray's book, Humility. "In their spiritual history men may have had times of great humbling and brokenness, but what a different thing this is from being clothed with humility, from having a humble spirit, from having that lowliness of mind in each counts himself the servant of others and so shows forth the mind that was in Jesus Christ."
As of yet, I have not experienced a dramatic season of humbling, instead it has been a consistent, daily exercise of reliance on God and learning from Him. As a result, the sanctification process that the Holy Spirit works in me is difficult for me to identify in the moment. Often, especially on the Race, others notice the differences and commend me for my diligence and obedience to God. While this positive feedback encourages me, I struggle to discern the same metamorphosis they claim to see in me.
A wise person once told me that life is 15% what happens to you and 85% how you respond to it. Last month, several incidents occurred that dissuaded me from my former assumption that I could remain unchanged for a year. Through my responses to these scenarios, I finally reached the conclusion that I have indeed changed – changed substantially.
For the sake of the privacy of my squad-mates, just bear with me. One night, while browsing through some relatively hilarious photos of myself, my Asian counterpart, and my Mexican friend, the tranquility of the evening was shattered by a rather loud spat between two individuals. As the smoke settled (the air did not clear, the smoke only settled), one of the combatants came seeking advice for facilitating a reconciliation. Having overheard the substance of the disagreement, I knew the position that each side held. As I filled the role of peacemaker in the situation, I reminisced on how I might have responded to a similar situation in the past. My low tolerance for drama would have led me to frustration and anger at my teammates. I would have been unwilling to engage as a peacemaker, much less act as a comforter. So after drying the tears, helping effect a reconciliation, and offering advice to avoid future disputes, I gracefully withdrew from the situation.
Processing what had occurred while sitting on my mattress, I finally observed the extent to which the Lord had worked to change my heart and mind. I truly loved my teammates, with all their drama, tears, and tantrums. When a breach occurred in the relationship, I truly desired to see each side come to a healthy resolution. The situation, while tangentially affecting me, was not about me. I can show grace to my teammates, remembering that I am here to serve Christ. In serving Christ, I serve my teammates. "I have been crucified with Christ, it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me and the life which I now live in the flesh, I live by faith in the son of God who loved me and gave himself for me."
In lieu of haranguing you with more anecdotes of last month, I'll simply share some transformations that I finally seen manifested in my life. Aside from substantial growth in patience towards myself and others, God has also quickened within me a deeper desire to fight for peace within my community. In times of confusion, stress, and pain, all of which occurred last month, I realized that on those occasions, I was placing full trust and confidence in the Lord for wisdom, love, peace, patience, and truth. I knew that in my own strength I would be unable to respond properly to moments of frustration or times of stress. God working through me, allowed me to respond to my teammates in a way that was honoring to Him. In those moments, I did not collapse, inconsolable into tears. Nor did I abandon all self-control and yield to fits of anger. In the past, these reactions would have been the norm. Not so any longer! God keeps his promises and molds us into His image – slowly, but surely.
