The topic of sex trafficking, the sex industry, and the red light district can all set off so many negative thoughts and emotions like anger, sadness, brokenness, darkness, hurt, etc.; thoughts and feelings I initially felt and thought would weigh my heart down while being in the center of this for the past month. But coming out of it now the word that I can give you to best describe what I feel is HOPE.
I first met P when my teammate Brooke and I were walking through the red light area covering it with prayer. She was so bubbly and sweet and we were drawn to her. We ended up hanging out for a bit and I got her contact info so that we could try to hang out. She had the next day off and she wanted to take me to a big night market. We had a fun time getting little snacks from vendors to share together and walked around for awhile. On the way back we were laughing watching these young guys getting fish pedicures who were freaking out as little fish nibbled at their feet. We asked P if she had ever done it and she said no but that she wanted to. So we thought why not?! Oh my goodness it was so funny, I couldn’t handle it, it felt so weird! P couldn’t even keep her feet in. It turned out to be an awesome night.
After that me and my other teammate Tristiana decided to keep going back to her bar as often as we could. That’s when we started getting close with the other girls there too. There was N, J, and K. J was about the age of my older sister in her early 30s and P and the other 2 were all about 20, my little sister’s age. So I adopted them as my sisters for the month. We learned their favorite crepe flavors and brought them each one every time we visited (which was cool because we befriended the cute crepe girl as well).
One of the first nights really shook me though when N was purchased for the night. We were sitting with the man making small talk with him. N was getting extremely drunk, acting very obnoxious and repeating to us that she was drunk and asking us if we noticed. Ha yes we sure did. And she kept hugging us telling the man that we were her best friends. She spilled a drink all over my lap and wouldn’t stop apologizing. J kept making N drink water and looked after her like a mother. Then the man started speaking some Thai and handed money over to J who told N to head over to the massage parlor across the way so she could “get some rest”. It was all happening right in front of our eyes and I didn’t want to budge in order to make it as awkward as possible, hoping that it might change things. It didn’t. J told the man that she would come get N at 12am when she got off of work to take N home. Then J helped N collect her things and walked her across the way. I couldn’t quite process all that was happening even as me and Tristiana talked about it all on our way back.
That night I decided to stay up praying for N until 12 am when J would pick her up. I lay in bed sobbing, pretending to hold N’s hand imagining her sleeping peacefully with Jesus standing over her and protecting her. I had a song with the lyrics “like a dove I’ll fly away” playing on repeat hoping that N could just fly away and find her rest in Jesus’ arms. It hurt so bad.
The next time we visited, N seemed to be trying to avoid me, probably out of embarrassment, the poor thing. This didn’t last long though, thank goodness. The same man who bought N was there literally almost every time we visited. Even though I could have felt anger towards this man (and all the other men who came into that bar), Jesus instead showed me that He loves this man just as much as He loves the girls, me, and everyone of us. He instead gave me a heart of sorrow for this man for the emptiness he must be feeling inside. And He helped me to pray that He would be the one to fill that hole in the man’s heart.
Unfortunately, the girls work 12 hour shifts with no days off so there was really no time to hang out with them outside of work (it was so fortunate we had the one night with P). But that didn’t stop us from having fun at the bar. Each night was a new crazy story with them. We made lots of silly faces, took crazy pictures, sang karaoke loud with the music playing in the bar (always so good), shot videos of us with synchronized dance moves on the spinning stools. They taught us magic tricks, and we talked about favorite things and shared pics of friends and family. The bartenders became our friends as well. They were awesome. We all got more and more friendly and comfortable with each other as time went on. I loved seeing their faces light up as they saw us approaching each time. I hope they could sense just how happy I was to see them. And goodbyes became giant hugs and a little “doop doop” which they would say while blowing us kisses.
The fun would sometimes be interrupted when new customers came in and the girls had to go over and flirt with them and talk with them and serve them. This was really hard to witness, especially when the guys would get really touchy and you could tell it made them uncomfortable but they just had to keep smiling and laughing. And then there’d be moments of their faces becoming pale and sunken as they walked back to us, and then they’d completely change back and try to act happy. It killed me most with P. Not sweet P who it seemed to affect most.
There was one night I was praying over the city and for all those from my squad who were out at the bars for the night, when God gave me the most incredible gift. An instrumental song came on my iPod and God gave me a vision. I imagined a garden setting decorated all fancy and with vibrant flowers everywhere. Then I saw each of the girls, P, N, K and J. They were all wearing gorgeous white wedding gowns and holding white lilies. I saw each of their faces glowing and smiling so big. They were so full of joy, it was contageous. I sat down with them and helped do their hair and some of their makeup, helping them to get ready and just laughing with them. Gosh they were so beautiful. And the best part is that they weren’t getting ready to be married to husbands but instead to be united with God. It was God choosing each one individually as His bride so they could experience the freedom and brilliance of His perfect love. It was God’s promise of hope to me that one day…one day this would come. I just have to trust them into His hands.
I was dreading the day I’d have to say goodbye. And it came much too fast. On our last night we stayed a long time and it seemed the girls crowded around us, ignoring all the other customers as if they werent there and we were the only ones- just sisters having fun together laughing about the silliest things and hugging each other. We gave them photos we printed out of all of us together and bracelets and notes for them. As we were leaving J started tearing up, which is not normal for Thai culture at all and it pierced my heart. They talked us into coming one more time right before we left the next day, which seemed to make it even harder. I squeezed each of them tightly in a hug and told them I loved them. They told me they loved me too and said how much they would miss us. I think this happened about 10 more times before we finally left. And by then most of the girls were misty-eyed too.
Gosh I love them soooo much. Part of my heart will forever be there.
I may not get to be a part of the wedding or even a simple guest who gets to witness it, but I got to do their hair and I am so honored. I didn’t even ever talk to them about Jesus or try to push them to find other work but i gave them my heart and helped them to know they are worthy and my sisters who can dream and still be little girls. I trust Jesus to do the rest. And that’s the thing, you can do everything in your power to change things but without relying on Jesus it’s completely meaningless. But when Jesus is a part of it, even the smallest of things can be everything. He’s the game changer.
God has not forgotten this place and these girls, He is vindicating them. Since ministries like Lighthouse and IJM have been popping up and people have been praying over the red light, the sex industry has gone down dramatically in Chiang Mai. While we were there so many of the bars were complaining of how much business has slowed and that it is dying. God showed me that not only is he gonna destroy the brokenness of this place but He is gonna rebuild it, give it a new name and make it into something beautiful- along with the lives of all those there.
Part of my ministry for the month was getting to do a painting that will go in Zion Cafe, which is a cafe connected with Lighthouse in Action that hires girls who were formerly in the sex industry or who are at risk of entering it. God gave me this image for it as inspired by all that He is doing with the city and the lives of those in Chiang Mai. We are all broken vessels worn down by the ugliness of life and our sin but God finds us, picks us up, puts us together and uses us to make something so beautiful.
