He’s a sneaky one who pops out of nowhere. He’s annoying – he’ll keep coming back and coming back until he has taken over your mind. He’ll make you believe that he is harmless, good, a go-to kind of guy, yet really he is deceiving you and has you believing lies. He is the Sorry Monster and he’s one bad cookie that has become a good friend of mine.
These past few weeks people have been bringing to my attention just how much I use the word “sorry”. I have heard this from people a lot in the past but I just brushed it off. But for some reason, it has been hitting me more recently as I have been asking myself if I do use the word “sorry” too much and why I do. Thus I started paying close attention to just how much I do use that word and it is ridiculous how much I do! Sure some people have habits of using fillers such as “um” or “like” but I realized that my filler is “sorry” for everything.
Common conversations for me go like this: “sorry to bother you but…”, “hey sorry to call you…” or “sorry for asking so many questions”, or oftentimes someone will bump into me and I’m the one to say sorry or, “sorry I didn’t clean up more” when I’m hosting an event, “sorry this is so small” when giving a gift, “sorry …” and I will literally just say “sorry” randomly all the time without even thinking about it and for no reason!
This happened very recently: I was giving a friend a ride over to a picnic for our lunch break from work and she needed to put her bike in my car. “Sorry my car is so tiny, but I think it should fit.” “Shannon why are you sorry, you are the one giving me a ride silly”. “Haha sorry”. “Stop that!” “Oops.” And then we had to do all of the maneuvering to get the bike into the back of my car. And most of what came out of my mouth as I was trying to help get it in was “op sorry” , “sorry let me try another way”. And finally my friend said “Shannon, you have really got to stop saying sorry for no reason. NO more of that im serious!” “ok, sorr..I mean yes you are right I really should stop that”.
I started thinking about this more and why I use the word “sorry” so much. I think the root of it is coming from a lack of self-confidence. This is something I have always struggled with, along with being a total people pleaser and a conflict avoider. I care way too much about what others think of me and will avoid saying/doing the wrong thing to upset/hurt/annoy anyone at all costs. Some may think well that’s not a bad thing, that is just being humble and thinking of others. But when I am saying “sorry” for everything I do for no reason what I am really saying is “sorry for being me”. And that’s not ok. This is something I’ve been working on for quite some time because for awhile I was at the point where I would just isolate myself from others to avoid doing anything wrong. And by doing this I was being completely selfish.
I’ve come to realize that the more time I focus on what I’m doing wrong or what others think of me, I am spending less time thinking of what I can do for others. I’ve put the focus on me instead of on God and on others. I need to be more confident in the ways that God has created me and wants to use me.
“For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control”- 2 Timothy 1: 7
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” – Psalm 139: 13-14
I don’t have to be confident in myself but I am confident in God who lives inside of me and works through me. And that I am not sorry about one bit! I praise God for this wonderful gift, knowing that He can use anyone no matter how weak.
So for those of you who are also a friend of the nasty Sorry Monster, stop that! Say goodbye to him and let God give you the confidence that comes only from Him so that, well for one you aren’t constantly annoying others, but moreso that you can be freed from concentrating so much on yourself and instead focusing your attention on Him and others. Yes it is a habit that I know will be hard to get rid of, but I pray that God gives me and those with the same struggle the strength to let go of it.
