I have been home for about a
week. It’s been a good week, but a
weird one. It’s funny, I hated
blogging in the beginning of the year, but it has become such a habit now. I had all these thoughts in my head and
wanted to share them.
I have loved the time alone I
have had this year. I have loved
that I do not have to run on anyone else’s schedule but mine. I have loved that I have been around my
family. But I have missed my
teammates more than I thought I would. I love that I have my space, but they are the only ones that totally get
this past year. I don’t have to
explain anything to them because they were there. I realized how hard it is to explain this past year to
people here. I don’t know who to
describe things in a way that they will get it. It is weird for me to pick up the phone and call my
teammates, they have always just been right there. I have never had that type of relationship where we talked
on the phone.
I see things in a total new
way. I watch people and see things
I never noticed before. I feel like
my eyes have been opened to so much this past year. But, then in some ways I feel like I know nothing about this
country I call home. Family and
friends talk about stuff from this year and I am clueless. It is such a weird place to be.
These first steps back have
been different than I expected. I
feel kind of numb in some ways, like my emotions have not caught up yet. I do hate the question “what’s next?” I know what’s next sort of but it’s
hard to explain to people. I know
that God has that next step planned and I waiting for that to be revealed. It has been weird to get a cell phone and car insurance and pay for things again.
There is so much change and
transition now, but I think about this year and it was filled with change and
transition and the one constant was that God was always there through it
all. He was always faithful in
guiding me and showing my next step. I know that He is still with me and doing that same thing now that I am
home. I am realizing how easy it
can be to forget what God has done and shown me this year. I can put it in the box of that was on
the race and not translate it into that is God in all things even in my everyday life back in America.
I have peace, but a part of
me is wondering when that peace is going to give way to anxiety and worry. One of the lessons I’ve truly learned
this year is that God is so faithful and there truly is no need to worry. He has always had a plan for me and has
never let me down, so why would he now?
I am going to continue to
walk in this peace and confidence in the Lord. I hope others find that as they transition home.
