TERRIFIEDI was in church this morning during our Missions Conference and God just hit me with something. We were singing the song All For You. There is a part that says It’s all for you and I’m letting go, I’m letting go. As I was singing this song I began to cry. For me this is huge. I do not usually cry in public. Maybe a tear or two, but I started to really cry.The fact that I am going on a 11 month long missionary trip just hit me like a ton of bricks. Of course I have known I’m going for the past two months, but the reality of what that means just came through. I have to give up my life, as I know it. I have to let go of my world I have been in for the past three years. Not only that I have to give up my freedom, my privacy, my books, my clothes, my comforts, etc. I’m not prepared to do this yet. I’m not prepared to give everything up and go around the world with all my possessions on my back with people I don’t know. I have no idea what will happen or what I’ll be doing or anything about the next 11 months except what countries I will be going to and that could even change.
In that moment during the song I realized that I am absolutely terrified to go on this trip. All my ways of dealing with life are not going to work when I am on this trip. I have to raise a ton of money. I have to leave my friends and family and they won’t be an easy phone call away. I have to leave my cat. I know this may all sound trivial, but I just fully realized that I have to give up my life and let go for God to do anything with me on the World Race. That’s a lot to take in a 3-minute song.
I am so thankful for those that are in my life right now especially those who were with me this morning when God woke me up. They have so encouraged me that this is what God has planned for me and that he will equip me to do all that I need to during those 11 months.
So I am still terrified, but I am going forth believing that God is going to bring in the money for me to go and give me the courage to make it.
