I want to start by saying that I don’t even know what to say. Sometimes I think so hard about what people back home want to hear about my journey with the Lord this year, and then I realize that I have absolutely no idea what you want to hear. Most of my blogs up to this point have been geared towards my experiences, but recently I’ve been convicted about that. So this blog is a conglomeration of random thoughts I’ve had over the last several months.
As I enter month five of the Race, I have two back-to-back thoughts that frequently enter my head …”I can’t believe we are ONLY in month five…Man, I cannot believe we are ALREADY in month five!!!” I have to admit, in the beginning I thought this journey would be about really “roughing it.” You know what I’m talking about- sleeping in a tent, starving (or at least only earting rice), going weeks without a shower, not being able to communicate with the village people, etc. You get the picture. I’m not saying it hasn’t been hard. I have had my FAIR share of rice-and-bean-only meals, nights sleeping on cement floors, conversations via scherades, and ICE cold showers; but recently I’ve found myself almost being bummed that my journey thus far hasn’t been a bit more physically difficult.
It’s funny because the things that are bumming me out are the physical things. Did I come on this trip for the experiences??? No. Sure the eleven countries and the adventure of leaving my old life behind intrigued me, but the reason I was obedient to God’s call on my life was because I wanted to experience deeper intimacy in my relationship with Him. I’m not proud of it, but sometimes I find myself saying, “God, do you realize what I gave up to be here?!?!?” In which He gently responds, “Shannon, do you realize what I gave up for YOU?” It is in those times that I recall Hosea 6:6, “For I desire steadfast love, not sacrifice, and acknowledgment of God rather than burnt offerings.” It’s so funny to me how sometimes we can get so caught up on thinking that God wants sacrifice. I mean, yes, following Him does require sacrifices at times, but more than any sacrifice that we can offer, He wants OUR HEARTS. How beautiful is that? The God of our universe just wants our love!
Speaking of sacrifice, I’ve noticed that when people find out you are missionary they want to GIVE you things. Families who have hardly anything sacrifice so that you are able to eat a descent meal. They stand in the kitchen or in a back room eating so that you are able to sit at the table. They cram an entire family into one room of their home so that you can sleep on a mattress- all while I’m sitting there thinking, “Why are you sacrificing for ME?” It doesn’t seem right. I am from America, the land where pretty much anything is available. The price I would pay for a Starbucks coffee back home would feed their family for a week and yet THEY are giving ME something?!?! It’s kind of a hard realization to stomach.
Some of us were sitting around tonight reminescing about training camp. It’s amazing how much like family a group of strangers can feel in only five months. I love waking up in the mornings and beginning my day with prayer and worship. There is nothing that compares to setting aside the first minutes of the day to give thanks to our God for giving us one more day to glorify Him. I love it and I love that this is what this year is about!
