Welcome to month four. We have just gotten to a place on our faith journey where our first team (metamorphosis) has now walked through abandonment/ brokenness and stepping into this place of actually enjoying each other. Only to find out that this month holds our first team change. This month is known as manistry month all the guys are together separately from all the girls. God was ready to mix things up, change creates growth, right? A night of mourning was needed I had just gotten to a place of trust and unconditional love with my first team. They hold a special place that’s for sure.
Meet my new team:”Worth It”- our team leader Jillian, Heather, Elizabeth, Sara, Darcie, Haleigh and I. We were told that this team may be temporary or it may be the same team the rest of the year. It was up to us to make this month worth it. In which became the essence of our team. For me it was a daily choice, everyone on our team had a member from there old team accompanying them on our new team. My precious sister Haleigh wasn’t able to be physically apart of this team due to her health she had to return home. So I had to make a decision in my own heart, is it worth it?
As we physically chiseled away at cement for our ministry God was slowly chiseling down the walls and boundaries of distrust around my heart. He was getting ready to make this month worth it. Stretching me to depend on him. Allowing him to pour in so I could pour out on my new team the love he opened up in my heart in months previous to this one. Positioning my heart to give freely to a team that in past months would have had to earn this love because of my fear of rejection. But there again is it worth it? Is it worth it to love when you get nothing back in return? Extending grace when grace clearly isn’t deserved? Giving all of yourself, sacrificing your own time and self so someone else may feel loved or worth it? The answer is yes. This is just a smudge of what Jesus offered when he gave himself. Bruised, stained, unconditional love, and thinking we are so worth it that he would heal a man on the way to his death. This easily could have been the very man that then turned around and put him to death. I mean isn’t that what we do when we put stipulations on the love god gives us to give away. We decide if we are going to give life away or kill it because we are to scared of rejection or worried we won’t get anything back in return. This is how we get our focus off from the “worth it” that Jesus died for.
As we physically chiseled away at cement for our ministry God was slowly chiseling down the walls and boundaries of distrust around my heart. He was getting ready to make this month worth it. Stretching me to depend on him. Allowing him to pour in so I could pour out on my new team the love he opened up in my heart in months previous to this one. Positioning my heart to give freely to a team that in past months would have had to earn this love because of my fear of rejection. But there again is it worth it? Is it worth it to love when you get nothing back in return? Extending grace when grace clearly isn’t deserved? Giving all of yourself, sacrificing your own time and self so someone else may feel loved or worth it? The answer is yes. This is just a smudge of what Jesus offered when he gave himself. Bruised, stained, unconditional love, and thinking we are so worth it that he would heal a man on the way to his death. This easily could have been the very man that then turned around and put him to death. I mean isn’t that what we do when we put stipulations on the love god gives us to give away. We decide if we are going to give life away or kill it because we are to scared of rejection or worried we won’t get anything back in return. This is how we get our focus off from the “worth it” that Jesus died for.
By the way this month was worth it I experienced God’s unmerited grace as he equipped me to give it away. He protected my heart and mind from lies. Learning how to let him be my affirmation, I got to show unconditional love to a wounded teammate who was pushing me away in her woundedness now she has finally met a new Jesus. A Jesus that died only to set her free from the things that held her captive. This month was TOTALLY WORTH IT!
