About a month ago I went to a two week training camp in Gainesville GA, to get more prepared for my upcoming missions trip. I just want to say THANK YOU to all those who donated and made it possible for me to go. Training camp was very eventful, I learned so much and got to bond with the 54 people I will be going on this trip with, as well as my coaches, mentors and logistics organizers. When I say training camp was eventful, I truly MEAN it lol. It has taken me weeks to process all that happened there and though I want to share everything in this one blog, it is just not possible. Trust me, I tried. I will spare you guys and just share this one major thing for right now.
Upon arriving to training camp I knew that in order to get to know everyone I would have to do the “who are you” and “how did you get here” routine. I know this routine, I have been doing it since I was young. I would tell people just enough so that they only see what I want them to see. I was prepared to do this at training camp. I figured that with time and some bonding experiences on the race, I may open up with a few of these people. Two weeks though, no that is just not enough time.
The first day of training camp we spent time in our squads trying to get acquainted with everyone. Our squad of 54 seemed just to large for me to bond with everyone. I could barely remember names and where people were from. This was comfortable for me, not having to get deep with strangers and having the time to feel them out first, or so I thought. One thing that my relationship with God has taught me is that he does not like me to be comfortable for long. So he does as he has done time and time before, knocks me out of my comfort zone, and pushes me to grow. You would think that I would be ready for this, but no.
It was only day two of training camp and our sessions jumped right in to the deep stuff. Session is a place where we would meet with our squads and the three other squads launching on the world race in January. In these sessions an alum racer or adventure and missions staff member would teach on a topic and then give us space and time to reflect, pray and listen to what God is saying to us concerning that topic. The topics I expected were team topics like how to get along with your teammates, how to work with people who don’t speak your language, how to do ministry in a foreign place etc. Though we eventually got to those type of topics that is not where we started. We started with forgiveness, grief, shame, our stories, lies we believed about ourselves, who we really are etc. If you have ever dealt with or struggled with any of these things you know that pain and hurt comes along with them. Pain and hurt are tough things to deal with let along share. At the time I didn’t understand why Adventures in Missions (AIM) would want to dive so deep, so early, and why they would offer us the opportunity to share with one another. Yes, share. After we prayed and reflected we were given the space to share within a group of 7 or 8 people. Yes, the same people who’s name and hometown I could barely remember. Yes, the same people I called strangers, I’m now sharing the deep, hard, painful stuff with. Some stuff that I dealt with already and some stuff I was still working through. Some stuff I shared with others before and some stuff only me and God knew. Talk about bonding right?
Now don’t get me wrong it’s not like I never wanted to share with these people. I will be spending 11 months in a close community doing the work of God with them. I know I would end up sharing, just not so soon. The great part about AIM is that they offer you the opportunity to share and you choose to or not. They also encourage you to speak with God about it. So I did, and he told me to share. See that is why I love him. He pushes me to do things that I would not do on my own, which could be frustrating at times. He gives me opportunities to trust him, and when I do I’m stepping out into 13 ft of water knowing that my lifeguard got me. (confession: I can swim but I’m scared of deep waters, how is that even possible?)
Anyways.
So that is what I did. I stepped out and shared with these strangers who I now call my family.
And now I want to share with you. I shared how I grew up without both of my parents and was raised by my grandmother. I shared how I had never felt good enough and I blamed myself for the abandonment of my parents. I shared how I’m afraid to open myself up to people in fear that they won’t like what they see. I shared the shame I felt of giving my body away and not knowing my worth. I shared how God showed me that I need to grieve the enormous loss of friendships. I shared how God showed me the people I had hanging on a coat rack in my house that I needed to forgive. I shared how I struggled with forgiving myself like God has forgiven me. I shared how I allowed the enemy to make me feel unloved, alone and forgotten. I shared so much guys, and I cried a whole lot.
Why would God have me share these deep things?
He knew that I was not alone and that the people in my squad have struggled with some of these things too. He knew that in sharing I would be bringing to light any lies I believed and shattering them with his truth. He knew that things I worked through already, I still was holding on to and needed to lay to rest in Gainesville, GA. He knew that in order for me to feel true freedom I had to no longer be ashamed of my story and my past.
As I end I would like to share with you what a fellow alum racer heard God speak to her.
“If you are ashamed of your testimony than you are ashamed of the gospel”
This shattered my fear and shame and I hope it encourages you to own your story and share it .
Your story testifies of the good news and sharing it will help someone, encourage someone and or save someone.
Thank you
P.S. Sorry if it was lengthy lol, I tried guys, I tried. Also look out for more blogs. I’m trying to post a blog once a week , pray for me. Oh, speaking of prayer, I want to also post prayer blogs once a week. Prayer blogs will include my prayer request, my teams prayer request and the prayers of the people we will be serving etc. We believe in prayer so I would love for you guys to join in praying with us!
