Being that a debrief is right around the corner, it only made sense that I would start to get a little sick. It never fails. Pretty positive it’s some kind of stress related, spiritual warfare type deal. But I’ve marched through it before, and I’ll march through it again.
Point being, I took the day off to rest and try to stay as well as possible going into debrief.
The night before I had been hunting for a movie to watch and chose The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. Solid movie that I watched way back in the day. I grew up with Lewis and Tolkien, so the Narnia and Lord of the Rings movies are particularly special to me.
I watched about half of the movie then went to sleep. The next day I waited for everyone to head to ministry then plopped back into bed and finished the movie. The scenes of sacrifice, battle, betrayal, seeming defeat, and ultimate victory brought me back to my childhood. But as I was watching the second half something was different. Something was off. Not with the movie, but with me.
I was feeling emotional. Which is not really the norm for me. Heavy emotions aren’t really my scene. Normally I’m sarcastic, honest, and a bit dry. So watching a movie, much less this movie, and getting emotional doesn’t generally happen to me. I assumed I must be sicker than I thought, because this was weird.
I quickly realized that this wasn’t the case. I was directly responding to the scenes. The symbolism. The meaning behind everything that happened. By the end of the movie I was literally weeping. I thought I was losing my mind. I mean, what the heck? This is the Chronicles of Narnia. A kids movie. I mean, there are talking lions and mythical creatures. Not your typical tear jerker. As the credits began to roll I prayed to God asking what on Earth was happening to me. When it hit me. When HE hit me.
All at once I realized it. I had just received what I think is God’s plan for my life. That vague, mysterious thing He and I had talked about the river. Let me explain.
In college I had a passion put into me by God. He wanted me to try and unite my universities campus ministries so that we could be the complete body and reach the lost. Be a cohesive community. Do away with the walls that we built to separate us. It was hard. But the crew and I were met with success! It was great! But that was college.
One of the reasons I’ve loved Nepal and Kathmandu so much has been the international community here. There is a ton of Christians and missionaries from all over the world. We had the opportunity to go to an international church one Sunday (Kathmandu International Christ Church), and it was fantastic. It wasn’t weird because we had never been. It wasn’t weird because we weren’t all the same denomination. We were the body of Christ. We were the church. And that’s all that mattered.
Cut back to Narnia. What I didn’t realize is that God was showing me all kinds of things through the movie. And very sneakily He was breaking my heart about these things before He even revealed why I should care so much. It’s no secret that the Chronicles of Narnia is rife with Christian allegories and symbolism. But I noticed something more this time. Something that I’d never read into before.
Let me try my hand at explaining what I saw. In the story the White Witch and the forces of Aslan do battle. Early in the movie you hear that “Aslan is on the move,” and he is amassing an army. Rallying the troops. Uniting the peoples of Narnia. But why unite them? Because on their own they would never accomplish anything. It simply wouldn’t work. Remove any rationality for a second and think about what a bear, a rhino, a centaur, a griffon, a giant, and tree people have in common. That would be one awkward dinner conversation. They don’t have anything in common! Except for one thing, their leader. The sense of duty he instilled in them. Their willingness to fight for what they know is right. To put aside their differences and their pride and charge forward into certain death and harder times. To live and die for each other. To grow and encourage one another. Guys, they were united. They were united under Aslan.
This is where God hit me with a fit of emotion. I’ve mentioned before that I have spent a great deal of my life jaded towards the majority of the American church. This led me to want nothing to do with it. In what can only be divine irony, I think this is why God is calling me to it. I think God is calling me to the American church. Not as a pastor, but as a fixer of sorts. To Unite us all. To do something in some grand scheme of His that I have some part, large or small, in. We are broken. We are divided. We are prideful. We are not a body united. We are a kingdom divided. And God wants me to do something about it.
I think we are in a “winter” state. In Narnia the Witch has made it winter all over the land. She has a stranglehold on the Narnians. Now, did that mean the Narnians were worthless? Had they given up? No! But they were weakened. They were divided. They still did many good things. Great things! But not nearly up to their potential. It wasn’t until Aslan united them that they could accomplish the unthinkable and take back their kingdom. We are in winter. We are doing great things. There are great leaders in the church. But we are falling short of what God has for us. We are looking for our leader. But He has already come. He’s already told us what to do. We’ve become to blinded by our own agendas and pride to realize that.
God didn’t break my heart for Narnia, he broke my heart for the church. He broke my heart because we are fighting the wrong battles. We are fighting each other. Bickering. Judging. We are quarreling over the STUPIDEST things. Music. Venue. Dress. When church should be. Who should be at which service. Whose pew belongs to whom. Whether or not pews should even be there! What kind of prayer we use. What kind of Biblical translation is best. The young, the old, the middle, the leaders, the followers, the singers, and the preachers. When we disagree we don’t try to fix it. We simply go somewhere else and start a new congregation. Spreading the body thinner and thinner. We’re diluting ourselves.
We’re all divided. It kills me. We plod around as if we don’t already have an assured victory. As if we don’t know what we should do.
I cried out to God. I felt pain from what the church has become. I wept and wept. I wept at the state of the Body. Then I knew what God wanted. I knew why He brought me up the mountain. Why He talked to me at the river. This was it. This is where it happens. This is what He wants of me in my next season.
“If a kingdom is divided against itself, that kingdom will not be able to stand. If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand.” Mark 3:24-25
“Now may the God of endurance and comfort give you unity with one another in accordance with Christ Jesus, so that together you may with one voice glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” Romans 15:5-6
We were not made for this. For this division. We were made for community. We were meant to band together. To fight the enemy instead of fighting ourselves.
This isn’t a post meant to fix everything. I’m not ranting. I’m not pretentious enough to think that this will hold any clout and cause revival and change. No, this post is a declaration. A promise. I’m gunning for you, church of the United States of America. God has put me on your scent. He’s sending me after you. For some this is a welcome idea. For some it’s detestable. I will be met with resistance, I’m sure. But this is what He put forth for me. And who am I to deny His calling?
When I get home I will find mentors. I will find peers. I will find training. I will seek God and pray for His provision, and more importantly His guidance and wisdom. And together we will do something about this mess. I have my target. I’m ready for the river to roar and rage and take me on that wild ride.
Surging forward,
Seth
This is Part 3 of a three part series. Read the first two posts here:
Part 1: Mountain
Part 2: River
