It’s hard to believe that in six days I am getting on a plane to Georgia for launch. It is hard to believe that by the grace of God and the generosity of wonderful, loving people, $10,100 of support has come in to date. It is not my nature to throw caution to the wind and just “go with it,” but if ever I have, it’s with the World Race.
Jesus is wonderful, but sometimes he says things that are hard to wrap your brain around. In Luke 14:26-30, he throws a characteristic curveball.
“If anyone comes to Me, and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be My disciple. 27 Whoever does not carry his own cross and come after Me cannot be My disciple. 28 For which one of you, when he wants to build a tower, does not first sit down and calculate the cost to see if he has enough to complete it? 29 Otherwise, when he has laid a foundation and is not able to finish, all who observe it begin to ridicule him, 30 saying, ‘This man began to build and was not able to finish.’”
I heard this passage so many times growing up that I truly believe that I was committed, if nothing else, to committing to whatever I felt the Lord calling me to. As my relationship with God has grown over the years, letting God drive the bus has had its challenges, but always in the back was the resolve that He was in charge, not me (which isn’t to say I haven’t grabbed the wheel occasionally, just that eventually I remember who’s the passenger and let go.)
To clarify, I don’t hate my family. (Dad gets cranky sometimes, but I absolutely love him beyond words. My sister-in-law Jessica, especially, is a constant encouragement to think about the impact of my life and my words on the world, and an amazing companion for my brother. She makes me think about why I follow Jesus without even saying a word. I adore her.) Jesus is speaking to our priorities. In the preceding verses, Jesus turns Jewish society on its head; now he is just prioritizing where God fits into the equation.
God comes first. Before your commitments to your family must come your commitment to Him. Before you start to talk about your rights, you must adhere to your responsibilities (because He will tell you what they are.) Jesus didn’t balk at His calling; before he even entered into Jerusalem, He made His thoughts clear: Your cross – a symbol of shame, guilt, loathing, suffering, and punishment – is to be firmly attached if you are going to follow in Jesus’ footsteps. (He says this, by the way, shortly after leaving the people who would hand Him over to the Roman authorities who would make Him carry His cross.)
If you are not operating at that level, with that mindset, you cannot call yourself his disciple.
Take a minute and read that agin, and try to really wrap your mind about what He’s saying. It always slaps me upside the head and I need to take a minute and get my bearings when He says these sorts of things.
This isn’t vindictiveness on Jesus’ part. It is a parent giving clear guidance for the child He loves, and it is the Lover of our Souls earnestly
calling us to be faithful as He is faithful. The only person affected by the incomplete tower is the owner. If we accept Christ’s redemption and stop there, we are incomplete, and His work in us stops. But if we trust Him, and let Him be in charge of the building, he will complete the work, and we will be the better for it. The cost is not for the sake of the architect; it is to the benefit of the homeowner, to increase the value of the home, but the architect also receives the notoriety that comes with good work. The catch though, is that the architect can only build when he has permission from the homeowner; something is GOING to happen, but the architect needs a decision from the owner to move forward.
But consider for a moment the alternative. Yes, this trip is expensive. $17,000 is a lot of money, money I don’t have (and still wouldn’t without the help of others.) I joke with my brother James that my singleness is now contractually enforced (but it’s not a joke.) And yes, I wonder who is going to screw in Grampa’s lightbulbs, change his air filters, and troubleshoot his computer issues while I’m gone. I’ve left a job I loved with people I adore, in a city I was just getting used to.
If I didn’t go, I wouldn’t have to worry about raising $17,000; but neither would I see the tremendous outpouring of love from others and the incredible provision of God. Yes, I would stand a better chance of getting a date living in Kansas City with a stable job rather than out in the middle of nowhere with who-knows-who doing who-knows-what, but I’ve said for several years now that I needed God to make me who I needed to be for marriage; I need to be the man God needs me to be for her. Authentic encounters with Jesus on His terms make people better, and I know that gearing up for the World Race has driven me into His presence more than almost anything else in my life.
There’s another side to this alternative scenario: If I don’t answer the call, who will? If I don’t do what He tasks me with, who will? Jesus doesn’t mince words when it comes to for those who willfully ignore the suffering of their fellow human beings. To clarify; this trip isn’t some fearful, get out of hell, make-the-sky-god-happy bid. Christianity is not predicated on an anxiety ridden attempt to convince God not to drop you in the fiery pit. There is no denying, however, that a relationship with Jesus is predicated upon being interested in Jesus, and endeavouring to understand the world on His terms. Jesus loves those who are unlovable, adores those who are unacceptable, and is tender to those who are intolerable. I love people because they’re there, because I want to love them like Jesus; occasionally, He just sends me specific ones to love on purpose. If we spend all our time arguing with Him over who is in charge, we will never see the world on His terms, and never love them with His perfect love.
I spent part of the afternoon yesterday with my Grandpa. He put on a pot of tea and we sat together in his kitchen, talking and drinking tea and just being together as we’ve done for many years, but for the first time by ourselves.
When Gramma moved into a nursing home in February last year, it was a crucible for our family; but I have clung to the belief that God refines us, and that even in the midst of something as terrible as watching my hero succumb to dementia, He would still carry me through, and that my Teacher would help me learn the lesson. Her absence during our little “tea party,” a staple of my childhood, was palpable.
I recounted to Grandpa the day in August that I told Gramma that I would be leaving for the World Race. I had sat tearfully in my living room soon after finishing the application process and said to The Lord, “I am going to do this, and I am not trying to bargain with you, but I need 10 minutes with Gramma as Gramma before I go; She is not going to understand otherwise.” On the day I went to see her, I wheeled her back to her room after lunch, and I explained to her that I would be gone for a while on a trip that God was taking me on.
“Well for how long?” she asked.
“Well, for a year, Gramma.”
She raised her eyebrows and peered at me over her glasses.
“Oh, I don’t like that.” Then her face softened. “But if that’s what the Lord is telling you to do, then that’s what you’ve got to do.”
