So after writing a blog last month entitled I'm Still Running, it got me thinking more about actually trying to start running in the mornings here in Moldova.
One day I decided to go for a run, and sure enough as usual I felt like I was going to either throw up or pass out. Luckily neither of those things happened, but I did come to the realization that I need to pace myself. I can't simply go from never running to sprinting at my full pace, and expect to be able to go very far. So instead of giving up, because I felt worn out after trying it for one day as I usually have done, I decided to do it again the next day, and then the next day after that. Everyday it feels a little bit better, and becomes more a part of my daily routine here.
As I was running this week I thought about how different my life will look as I go home, because something is different about me now. The difference is that perhaps for the first time in my life, instead of running from something, fear, guilt, lust, and ultimately myself, now I'm running for a different reason, in more ways than ever before, I find myself running towards something greater, and any of the freedom or change I feel in my life stems from that fact. As I take each step towards the love and hope that is Christ, and in many ways stepping into who I was born to be. This changes everything. Though I still stumble sometimes, become out of breath, and I may tire from the race that is before me(in fact I would say I am very tired at this point), nevertheless I'm still running.
Not by my own will power or because of a new improved attitude(though having a positive outlook on life never hurts), the difference has less to do with me, and more to do with everything else. I see that I am not the center, nor should I expect any person on the planted to be the center of my life. I am called to love those around me and receive love, not depend on them. This makes me see people for who they are, and not what I expect them to be, striving to no longer holding myself or others up to standards that are impossible to live up to.
I am thankful for the journey I have traveled on so far, and I will continue to press on having faith that wherever the road leads next, the Lord will help guide each step of the way, but also knowing He will let me decide on the steps I will take to get there.
For now I stop to catch my breath…looking around I realize eleven months has all come down to a mere 18 days.
