Wow. 10 months. That’s how long I’ve been on this thing. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve seen my family, cuddled with my nephew, spent time with my best friend, been in a place that has consistently been less than 90 degrees, not lived out of a backpack, had any sense of private space or alone time, or gotten a good, solid, quality eight hours of sleep. Being on month ten of the World Race is a little surreal…I feel like we just started this thing. January seems like just yesterday, and here we are, coming to the end. Right now we are in Botswana and I am working with Gaborone Community Chapel, a church being planted here by a missionary couple from Kenya. We live in their little house with them; three of us in the bedroom, two in the living room, and two at a neighbor’s house. All in all, there are ten of us living here and it has been quite an adventure. I love the church planting team, and I grow to love my teammates more and more each day.
It’s kinda weird looking back and seeing how much I’ve grown. How much the men and women on my squad have grown and changed. When I started this thing, way back in January, I was trapped in shame from sins in my past that placed chains on me. Prior to launch, I expected to keep those shames secret. I was going to take them to my grave, but that wasn’t in God’s will for me. He wanted my freedom. By month two I had shared some of my deepest shames; the parts of me that were deeply scarred and wounded, that I never acknowledged were broken. There is power in words, my friends, and when I was able to voice those things that kept me trapped in shame, little by little, God worked through that and set me free. Things I never wanted to bring to light were exposed in the most vulnerable, uncomfortable, and terrifying way…and it was so good. The devil wants us to keep secrets; he wants us to feel shame; he wants to bring us down to a level where we feel that if we tell someone, they will be disgusted and deem us untouchable; unlovable. The devil had me right where he wanted me, but God was already victorious. He gave me the opportunity, he gave me the courage, and because I trusted Him, he set me free. Friends, until you have confessed some of your deepest, darkest shames to your brothers and sisters in Christ whom you trust and love, you will not know true acceptance, true love, and true freedom.
Month three came around, and month four, and I was still finding myself. I was still getting comfortable with the freedom I was walking in; with the confidence He gave me to be myself completely… I eased into it. Instead of jumping in feet first I was cautious. Around this time I was still too concerned with being the person I thought my teammates wanted or needed me to be… It wasn’t until month five that I fully came into myself. God began to really teach me about brokenness, and a lot about unity. Team Undis was the first team I’d been on that I felt truly comfortable in. I felt like I could be my goofy self. I knew I had a funny bone, but it wasn’t until month five in that house in Guatemala that I found out just how much I enjoyed making jokes (and actually my teammates all find me pretty hilarious). Anyway, God was speaking a lot of truth into me that month, especially about illuminating my brokenness so that His glory would be illuminated in my restoration.
Month six hit us all pretty hard. Central America didn’t provide too much culture shock, but southeast asia really was something else entirely. Yet, I loved Thailand. I loved our hosts. I loved the food. I loved the landscape. Didn’t love the humidity, but I was content. I’m going to be honest…this was the beginning of my tuning out of God. I wasn’t devoting time to Him. I wasn’t giving Him glory. I was very much focused on myself this month, but it was the beginning of my spiritual decline. By Malaysia, I was in a very bitter state. I was frustrated because I felt no desire to spend time with God. My teammates mentioned to me that I seemed to be “a bit in a funk”; “a bit off.” There was something up, but in the midst of it I had no desire to figure out what it was. All I wanted was to be indoors, in air conditioning, by myself, on my computer. I didn’t spend any time with the Lord. I felt as if I failed at Unsung heroes, as if I failed at discernment and listening prayer, as if I failed at being good enough. So I didn’t bother. I didn’t feel like God was meeting me where I was at, so I decided not to step towards Him. Malaysia was so rough….
At the end of Malaysia was month 7 debrief. Team changes were happening again. Talks about fundraising were coming. The first conversation pertaining to re-entry was brought up. During this time my squad mentor, Ben, gave me a book called “Celebration of Discipline,” and I read it throughout month 8 in the Philippines. It gave me the fire and desire to connect with God again, and I did. I felt refreshed. I heard from the Lord. He filled me up. I reflected on how I am so quick to give up on communing with God when I don’t feel His presence when I’m not communing with Him….does that make sense? It’s completely backwards, I know. The Philippines was a redeeming month, spiritually, physically, ministry-wise, emotionally, as well as it being a redeeming all squad experience.
Then there was month 9. In Swaziland I learned a lot about simplicity. I learned a lot about what it takes to choose to love people. I learned a lot about what it takes to have supernatural grace for people. I learned a lot about budgeting, about grocery shopping, and about cooking. I learned a lot about what it looks like to find God in the little things, in the mundane, and in the painful things. During this month I walked approximately 60 miles. I learned that God can get me through even the toughest, longest, dustiest, rockiest, most painful walks to and from our carepoint. I learned a lot about not giving up because things are uncomfortable. I learned a lot about pressing through the uncomfortable…
And now here we are in month 10. What is God teaching me right now? Well, He’s teaching me a lot about vision. He’s showing me how to harness my passions and direct them towards His will for my life. He is teaching me how I can plan my course, and He will always be there establishing my steps. He is teaching me to have even more grace for the people around me. He is teaching me how to step out in boldness and speak His name. He is teaching me that I can trust Him with everything that I’ve placed in His hands. I don’t know what He’ll teach me next month, but I bet it’s going to be quite a bit! Super stoked to see what’s in store.
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Hope you all enjoyed this update of where I’m at! I only have $2000 more to raise, so if you could be a part of that final support, I would be absolutely thrilled. Thank you so much for your prayers and encouragement. Without you all and your support, I never would have become the woman God has used the Race to shape me into!
