So, I’m reading this book called Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World by Joanna Weaver. I’m not even a chapter in and I felt compelled to write this blog post. In the book, Weaver introduces “The Three D’s”:
- Distraction
- Discouragement
- Doubt
The key is to stop it early, and at its source; prevent your distraction so it doesn’t lead further down that path and you can refocus on God. But when I read that…I realized I was already a LOT further down that path than I wanted to be. I’m on the tail-end of discouragement and doubt has been creeping into my mind.
My life has always been full of distractions, but this semester has been possibly the most distraction-filled season of my short life thus far. School has taken over my life and invaded on my time with the Lord, stealing those precious moments I have with Him. But…is it really stealing? Or have I been recklessly and mindlessly handing over that time? I go to school four days a week: 2 hours and 30 minutes Mondays and Wednesdays, 5 hours on Tuesdays, and 1 hour and 15 minutes on Thursdays. I spend maybe an hour a day, possibly two if I have a paper due, which still leaves me 68 waking hours during the week to devote to something other than school, yet I still can’t find the time.
I reevaluated my priorities… “You don’t have the time or energy to spend time in the Word today,” that lie often runs through my head like a marquee. And I believed it for a while, even though I did have time to do things like play Hearthstone, write on my book, and scroll endlessly through my Facebook newsfeed. All of this serves as a distraction to what truly matters, and it is so easy to let my flesh take over, to fall easily into deception. And this was just the beginning.
Distraction quickly led to discouragement, and I have been in that rut since the second quarter of the semester. Discouraged about the difficulty of my classes, discouraged because no matter how hard I try I can’t seem to be consistently obedient to the Lord, discouraged because my expectations aren’t met when it comes to fundraising, discouraged because I’ve isolated myself from those closest to me by my focus on school, discouraged because I feel stuck, helpless, and unable to journey in a straight line towards God.
Today I slacklined with my teammate, Jessica. Every time I got up on the line I was ecstatic, but the line wobbled too much, I’d lose my balance, and fall off over and over again. I’d get frustrated and discouraged and try again and although each time I improved and was able to stay on a tiny bit longer than the last time, I would still fall off. This is the perfect metaphor for my journey this semester. I keep falling off the line because I have not invested the practice and the discipline into my walk with God. Today we also listened to a sermon that emphasized “Walk in obedience and blessings will follow.” That smacked me upside the head; I have some things in my life I need to work on.
Tangent aside, my discouragement has me headed towards doubt. I asked myself tonight if the Race was really what I was supposed to do. What I was called to do. I didn’t arrive at this question out of any desire not to go on the Race, but simply because the money isn’t coming. But then I remind myself, my Father has provided thus far…but there is no heavenly checking account God makes transfers from directly from his Divine Fund to ministries and missionaries…God works through people like you and me in order to spread His kingdom; to share His Word; to plant the seeds of salvation and to harvest those seeds when they are ready. Please consider partnering me with a one-time or monthly gift so that I will be able to launch with my team to the Dominican Republic in January. I currently am around $2300 from making the $7500 deadline due December 18th… My original goal was to be fully funded by launch, but my simple prayer now is to meet the deadlines as they come.
If you feel led to partner with me financially, you can give electronically through the Support Me link at the top of the blog. You can also find the information there to mail a check as well. Just make sure to place my name in the Memo section of the check before you send it off. If you would like to partner with me through prayer, please share this blog and pray fervently for the financial means for me to GO. Thank you so much.
