Well it is certainly no secret that I am a fighter. I fight people that tell me what to do, I fight against people that I don't like, I fight against the people that I don't want to like, sometimes I fight God on what He is doing in my heart; I am a fighter.
Sometimes I fight for people, but I don't always know how to fight for them. Sometimes my fight for them turns into a fight against them. I'm so accustomed to fighting against people that when I decide to fight for somebody I just don't know how. I suppose that I should clarify; I know the theory of how to fight for people. You pray for them, you pray with them, and you stand by their side. It's the application of this theory that gets me. I have a hard time. I don't know what to pray for, and when I do start praying I lose concentration and my brain starts running down random rabbit trails that have nothing to do with the person that I am praying for. Sometimes I take their struggles personally and feel as though it's something that I have control over. I'm just not good at fighting for people; I want to be, I just don't know how.
This is not a new revelation for me. This is actually something that I have been battling for the past 5 months on the Race, because it's something that I want to do better. I want to know how to fight for the people that I love, I want to know how to fight for the people that I don't know, and as difficult as it is and will be sometimes I even want to know how to fight for the people that I don't really like. I want to be a fighter in the right way.
A couple of weeks ago I came to this brilliant place in my walk with God; I wanted more! I want more! I want more of the Spirit and all that He has to offer, I want to know God more, and I want to be used by Him more; in ways that I haven't yet been used in! I want more!!
Half of my squad went down to the river one evening for my friend's baptism and as we were traveling there I so clearly felt God tell me, "Be vulnerable. Ask for more of me, and do it with your family!" In this incredibly beautiful place, down by the river, I asked my squad to pray with me that I could be filled even more with the Spirit. And so they did, we did; we prayed, and it was awesome. There was no huge emotional response; there were some tears but not many, and honestly, I didn't feel all that different, but I felt so different all at the same time!! It's hard to describe, but it was awesome!!
Before heading back to the house for dinner with my friends Jane told me something that made me really excited! She told me that God had something that He wanted her to share with me. She said, "You're a fighter, but He is going to show you new ways to fight, better ways to fight." Since then He has been showing me such exciting things, a little at a time! He has given me dreams, people to pray for, words to pray, and this confidence in Him and what He is doing in my heart. When I think about all of it I can't help but get a little teary eyed, and extremely excited, because God is going to use me in ways that I never imagined. I can't wait to see His work be done through me!!
This is all so crazy to me, because 5 months ago I was this girl who knew it all; or so I thought. I was comfortable with where I was and I was ready to come and change the world. But now, I know nothing except what God is revealing to me, and I have come to realize that as much as I am here to change the world, I can't do that. At least, not until He changes my heart to match His. I know that this will be an ongoing process for the rest of my life, but I'm thrilled that He counts me worthy to spend that much time on.
I am currently in need of about $3,000 to finish the race. Our final deadline is coming up in about a month. I'm at a place where I just really have no idea where that money is going to come from, but I am really excited to see how it happens. I do want to invite you to consider supporting me in this. I know that there are probably a million other ways that you could spend your money, but I just ask that you consider supporting me as I continue to grow and take the Gospel to the Nations, you won't be sorry! Thank you!
