Six months ago I wrote a letter to my sister. A few days after writing and posting the letter, I wrote part two, but never posted it here. After looking through old documents today, I felt the need to share.
Whoever happens to read this, just take this little piece of truth: God has you and He won't stop taking care of you, no matter what you do.
Read the first part of "Dear Leah" here: http://savannahhoward.theworldrace.org/?filename=dear-leahto-the-girl-i-lived-with-but-never-knew
Written on February 24th:
Dear Leah,
It’s your sister here. I’m just as shocked as you are that I’m writing again so soon. Your and mom’s birthdays were last week. Before leaving South Africa at the beginning of the month, I told mom I wouldn’t talk to her until the middle to end of March. I wasn’t sure if we would have access to wireless. As you know, mom and dad are technologically challenged (God love them!) and don’t have internet. I’ve learned to adjust, though it would be easier to communicate with them through a simple email, rather than waiting to call when we have wifi. Remember when I said that you can’t change people? Yeah, I don’t think we can change that about them. I wasn’t planning on calling mom for her birthday, didn’t seem possible since we have to go so far to get wireless. Internet cafes are closer….(like I said, the email thing would be way easier) OKAY, okay, enough about them not having the ability to communicate via email.
On Thursday God told me I needed to find a wireless hotspot to call momma for her birthday. (Thanks God) Saturday is our off day, so I ventured into the city with my teammate, Christel to a restaurant with Wifi. Mom had told me to call anytime, so I wasn’t worried about waking them up at midnight their time in order to talk. Skype loaded and the sound of a phone ringing was music to my ears. Dad picked up the phone and we chatted for a few minutes. I was so excited to talk to mom, it felt like I was on the phone with dad forever. Before I asked to talk to mom I asked him why he was up so late. “I’m setting up a place for your nephew to sleep.” WHAT?!!? NO WAY!!! When? Where? How? He then told me you had just flown into Denver and were sitting at their house. I asked to talk with you (thankful you got up and chatted). GOD BLOWS MY MIND on a DAILY BASIS. Had He not pressed it on my heart to talk to mom for her birthday, I would have never known you were in town. I was able to tell you that I had processed a lot and asked you to read the previous letter. I don’t believe in irony and I don’t believe in coincidence, I do believe that God’s timing is perfect. When we are listening to Him, He will tell us what to do- it is our responsibility to obey and trust that He knows what we need, when we need it. For some reason He wanted me to talk with you on the phone on Saturday. Precious princess, I am so thankful He allowed me to talk with you, it did my heart good.
-Savannah
After my sister handed the phone back to my dad and I asked to talk to mom, He told me she was in the hospital. So many questions flooded my mind. Why? How long has she been there? I choked back tears, struggling to finish the conversation. In that moment I wanted to throw the towel in and catch a flight home. I hung up the phone, knowing that talking to my dad longer would just make my desire to fly home stronger. God calmed me and gently whispered in my ear, “I’m with you. I’m here in Swaziland, and I’m with your family in Colorado. Trust that I am in control. Surrender, my child. There is nothing you can do to change the situation. Going home is not going to change anything.”
Later that same day, I went and found more wireless in order to call the hospital and attempt to talk to my mom. As soon as she started talking, my heart sank. She has no idea who I am, where she is, or what is going on. I hung up the phone and called the hospital back to talk to the nurse. She told me my mom had been in intensive care for almost a week- they moved her to cardiac care the day before I called. God was protecting me, allowing me not to find out she was in the hospital until she was moved. I am so thankful that I didn’t find out until after she was moved- because I would have been on a plane as soon as possible. SO thankful God knows everything and knew that I couldn’t have handled finding out about mom until that day.
Over the past few weeks I have been reading and studying the gospels and the book of Joshua. The key lessons God has been teaching me through those books are this:
-I am with you always. (Joshua 1:9; Matthew 28:20)
-Having faith enough to trust in God’s provision and plan for everyday life- He cares about every detail of every minute (Matthew 14:22-36)
Surrender- What a beautiful thing
Giving up the desire to have control- What a beautiful thing
Allowing the Spirit to lead- What a beautiful thing
Releasing fear- What a beautiful thing
Until God tells me I need to go back home, I’ll stay here. He has me where He wants me.
I wrote the last sentence moments before I found out my mom passed away. Six months later, back on the field, I can still say without a doubt that God doesn't leave- if anything He's much closer. Thankful for the promises and HOPE we have in Him.
