A New Season: Leaving a Legacy of Love

I've been home for almost a month. 
Mom passed away almost a month ago. 
I'll never forget the call that Jess received from Hannah telling me to call my sister. 
As much as I want to pretend like the past month didn't happen, it did. 

I came home to find my mom's room empty. 
I came home to find a house full of memories. 
I came home to find my dad completely distraught. 
I came home to sadness, yet I have an overwhelming peace from the Lord.

I came home and found the freedom God had spoken over me before the race started. 
Freedom that countless people spoke over me in Mozambique and Swaziland. 

God had told me that this year was going to be a year of freedom. Knowing I had a fear of my mom dying while I was on the race, I thought, "I don't know how freedom is going to come because I have this fear." He ever so gently whispered in my ear, "Trust me- you will finally be free because you've chosen the best I have for you."

For years I lived paralyzed in fear because of my mom. I was sick of watching her suffer and prayed for a number of years that God would relieve her misery. If she was in the hospital, I was right by her side- waiting and watching for something to happen. At times I wished she would die because of the pain she was in- knowing it would be better for her in the long run.  Yet, God had her days numbered and took her home in His perfect timing. 

There were days when I was in high school and  the doctors told us, "She's not going to make it. We need to keep her in the hospital." 

Yet, like the fighter she was, she held on. She held on until her children were out of the house. She held on until after I graduated from college. God allowed her to hold on until I was overseas because He (and she) knew I could not watch her die. 

God could not have planned my mom's homecoming any better than He did- He's remarkable like that. 
I am so thankful I wasn't there. 
 
The night I found out my mom died God whispered, "See, you are finally free. You don't have to live in this fear because the fear is gone- I took her and I'm taking you to new places with me." 

FREEDOM ​is SO SWEET. Never did I expect it to come in this way, yet it did. 

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I'm walking into a new season, a season to embrace the freedom I have. 

Over the past couple of weeks the Lord has spoken the word legacy over the rest of my time overseas (and over the rest of my life.) I asked Him, "What's next in this journey and He responded.  "Your mom left an incredibly  impactful legacy. You have the opportunity to leave a legacy wherever you go. Are people seeing me when they see you or are they seeing someone they don't want to be? They no longer have to see the fear that has weighed you down, but they can see the freedom you've finally found in Me." 

One of my favorite songs is "Legacy" by Nicole Nordeman. 

"Child, go, love and leave a legacy wherever your feet are planted."