So here we are. End of month 11. End of the Race. I’m sitting on a bus right now riding to the airport in Santiago, Chile to take our last flight as a squad to the United States. The impact of this has definitely not hit me yet, and knowing myself it probably won’t be real until a month from now when I’m home and all of the excitement is over and I realize how much I miss doing this journey with this amazing community of people.
So, how does one wrap up a year like this? I’d love to tell you all of the amazing things I have learned and how the Lord has taught me and shaped me, but it’s hard. There is just so much and I’m not the most articulate with my words. So I’m going to try to give you a glimpse of what the Lord has done in me this year, but know that this is my open invitation to you to keep asking me about my experience, because new things are always going to be coming out of it. So, without further sappy thoughts, here is a look into what the Lord has taught me this past year:
- The Lord is so gentle. I had this word spoken to me so many times in the first four months of the Race. I was really struggling with moving forward and breaking out of my comfort zone during that part of this journey. I think part of me was worried beforehand that the Lord would just throw me into situations head first. But I think the Lord knows exactly what each of us needs, and he knew that for me, he often needed to show me how to do what he wanted me to do, and then he gave me the space to make the choice to enter into it. I never felt like the Lord was forcing me into anything on this journey. There were definitely times when I felt his prompting and didn’t really want to follow through with what he wanted me to do, but I was given the choice. Sometimes I chose to push through and get uncomfortable. Other times I resisted. But the Lord has always provided me with the space to make that decision on my own, and to decide whether or not I wanted to push through. He also provided me with so many great people on my various teams who created a safe place for me, but also rallied behind me and encouraged me to push past those hard places.
- Praying for people is fun. Say what?! At the beginning of this adventure (and all of my life before that) I was honestly just terrified of praying for people and praying out loud and being in any situation where I had to put myself out there and risk feeling foolish. I was not confident in my ability to pray for others and it was just too uncomfortable to do. What a fool I was. It has taken a lot of practice and repeated attempts after retreating to the safety of my comfort zone, but I can safely say that now at the end of this journey, I actually really enjoy being able to pray for others. I have always wanted to make prayer a part of my nursing in the hospital, but I’ve just never been able to make that a reality because I was too afraid. And now I seriously can’t wait to go back to work in the hospital and unleash the power of the Holy Spirit and see what he does. Being able to provide hope to people and see miracles happen before my eyes is one of the coolest things I have experienced, and I can’t believe I have been missing out on it for so long.
- I need to take care of myself. This goes hand in hand with being serious about taking a real Sabbath every week. There were several different times on this journey where I was just exhausted mentally and emotionally, but was not doing a very good job of taking a break and taking care of myself. I am not always aware of when I am getting to the end of my rope mentally and emotionally, and I’ll often think I’m fine one moment, and then realize I am in over my head the next. I’ve learned that I need to be more proactive in how I take care of myself. Sabbaths aren’t supposed to be a last resort when I completely fall apart. The Lord gave us the Sabbath every week for a reason, and I am learning how to not just rest physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.
- I need to take the initiative sometimes. I can’t always hide behind my mask of just being the behind-the-scenes person, and only wanting to help out wherever I can, but not wanting to be in charge or lead something or take the initiative to do something new. The Lord didn’t die for us so we could hide in the shadows. And that also means I can’t wait around for other people to tell me what to do, when the Lord is already calling me to do something. This is definitely an area I still need a lot of work in, but I’m trying to walk in this and the Lord is doing some pretty cool things through it.
- I am not responsible for everything. I am a control person for sure, and I often find myself getting very stressed out over things that I can’t control, but that I still feel responsible for. Like when we go over in our budget for the month, but for reasons that I had no control over to begin with, or when I can’t finish my job application because the internet is too slow. I have put so much more on myself than I have ever needed to and it makes me stress out and lose sleep at night. And most of the time it’s for completely ridiculous things I can’t control anyhow. I’ve been learning this the entire race, but specifically in the past two months, that I need to be serious about handing my worries to the Lord, and that I need to step back and reevaluate the things I am getting stressed out over. I have had nearly a whole month where I would just keep repeating to myself “you are not responsible for this.”
There is so much more that the Lord is doing in me and I wish I had the words to explain it, but I hope this helps to understand some of the things I have walked through this year. But praise God this isn’t the end, and he still has so much more for me. I’m super excited to see what this next season brings me and I can’t wait to see all of you soon!
