LOVE is not always easy

I have been thinking about writing this blog since Valentine’s Day when one of our squadmates read a letter apologizing to the men for the ways that we, as women, have hurt them, but I have put it off for months. I convinced myself that it would take a lot of thought and time to write all that I wanted to say. I thought that I needed to come up with a big, fancy list of things to apologize for in order for you to truly understand my heart; for you to believe that I am being genuine; for you to know how deeply I care. In reality, all I need is one, all-encompassing confession:

I have not loved you well.

This is hard for me to admit because I usually speak of how easy it is for me to love others, but chances are if you are reading this, there has been a time I have not always shown you the love that you deserve. I have made mistakes. I have let exhaustion or annoyance or laziness or pride or selfishness or ______ (fill in the blank with more excuses) get in the way of loving the way Jesus calls us to love.

I originally thought this would be written to the men that I have hurt in my life, but it not just for them. It is for the people I have passed on the street and turned a blind eye to. It is for the people I have tolerated instead of invested in. It's for those whom I have hurt in my own selfish endeavors. It is for the relationships with my siblings that I often take for granted. It is for the deep relationships with my parents that I have always longed for, but have been unwilling to fight for. It is for the squadmates in whom I have had no interest in getting to know over the past five months. It is for the teammates in whom I have lost hope in. It is for my God, who on a daily basis my flesh and my heart fail.

The love that God intends and created for us is not easy. It involves sacrifice. It involves patience. It involves presence. It involves trust. It involves faith. It involves hope. It involves you, and it involves me.

It is the love that I want to flow from every inch of my heart.

I want everyone (not just certain individuals I deem worthy) to know how much I love God based solely on the love that I show to them.

God, I want to love effortlessly. I want a love that never grows tired. I want a love that is never finished finding ways to be expressed. I want a love that knows no boundaries and has no limitations. Help me to know and seek you more so that my love for others is built on the firm foundation of my relationship with You. Help me to love like You love. Give me a love that causes my heart to break in miserable situations and jump for joy in blissful ones. Let me never stop pursuing, never stop seeking, never stop loving! Amen