Heather was in charge of team time that night. The Lord had placed it on her heart to wash our team’s feet and after our recent conversations about washing our armorand preparing for something big to happen, it became not only a place for her to serve and love us, but to prepare us as well. As she washed my feet, I read the note that she wrote to me: “STAND FIRM! Keep your eyes focused on the Lord. DO NOT waiver to the left or to the right. He is training you up for battle. He is washing and polishing ALLof your ARMOR! May the washing of your feet symbolize washing off past and current struggles that in this water they are taken off and washed away. May the peace of the gospel penetrate deeply into your spirit and that this also symbolizes a polishing that brings beauty and true glistening and shinning for the Lord. Get ready! The battle is drawing near and we have already won! STAND FIRM!”As soon as she was done washing my feet, I sat back down and felt this strange feeling come over me. I couldn’t pinpoint what it was, but it felt out of place and wrong. Heather dumped out the bucket of water she was using after washing my feet and got a second bucket to wash the rest of the team’s feet. As soon as the water was poured out, I felt anger flare up inside of me and I couldn’t focus on anything but that feeling for the rest of team time. I stared at the ground, unable to take in what was happening around me. Heather continued to wash the rest of the team’s feet, prayer requests were given, and as we stood to pray, I joined hands with my teammates in a robotic manor. I heard them all praying, but couldn’t internalize or focus on the words that they were saying. I felt my arms become more tense as the prayer continued. I felt in my heart the need to ask for prayer when we were done with team time. The prayers ended and Lauren began speaking about a vision she had for our team. Kylie spoke up after that and said “Sarah, do you have anything to add or say?” She had noticed how quiet I had been all night (not a normal thing for me most nights) and knew by looking at me that something was wrong. All I could say in response was “I don’t know, but I feel something and I don’t like it. Pray it out of me!” Heather asked me what I was feeling and I responded with anger stronger than I have ever felt before. As the team laid hands on me to pray, two things happened: 1. Where someone placed their hand on my side, I felt something inside me jump, and 2. My feet and hands started to tingle and go numb (as if your foot was falling asleep from sitting on it for too long, except multiplied by 10), as well as the area around my eyes. I sat back down on the little ledge behind me as Heather started to pray. She had me look her in the eyes and began to command that the demon inside me leave. She kept asking me to cast it out and that I needed to command it to leave, but I couldn’t. Every time that I tried to speak, sounds of anger and frustration left my mouth. I couldn’t formulate words or thoughts in my head, let alone speak them out. The more Heather confronted it, the angrier I became. The only thoughts I could think were about how to hurt or tear down Heather in that moment. As I looked into her eyes, I felt so much anger raging inside of me it was a surprising that she didn’t burst into flames from my glare. She placed her hand on my throat and commanded that it let me speak. Joey then said to me “Sarah, who are you?” I immediately responded “I am a daughter of the most high God.” I was finally able to speak. Heather had me repeat after her in casting out the demon. She told me that generational anger and fear no longer live in me. My tones then changed from the earlier ones of anger to those of excitement. Lauren said “Sarah, use words,” but I knew in my heart that the sounds coming out of my mouth were more than words could ever express; praising and crying out to God in tongues that were untranslatable by me, but undoubtedly of highest praise for Him. Uncontrollable laughter soon followed. As the team took their hands off me and asked how I was I told them I felt peace but that my hands were still tingling and I still had an odd feeling in me. Someone suggested praying for protection for me and the team, and so prayers began again. Then Tiff told me to pray for myself. At first, I felt like I had earlier, wanting badly to speak out but unable to form thoughts or have words come out of my mouth. A few moments later I began speaking out truths over my life and of the Lord. The tingling stopped and I no longer felt anger present inside of me. During this whole time, I was aware of two different things present inside of me: 1. The demon in which thoughts and feelings of anger consumed and controlled me and 2. The Lord in which peace and love rested in my heart.
The following verse has come to mean so much more to me after than night.
Romans 8:31-39 New Living Translation (NLT)
31 “What shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us. 35 Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?36 (As the Scriptures say, “For your sake we are killed every day; we are being slaughtered like sheep.”) 37 No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. 38 And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. 39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.”
While there may be things in life that try to control us, NOTHING can separate us from God’s love! He lives in my heart and there is nothing strong enough to take that away!
