A couple nights ago was the first night I truly just wanted to be done with the Race already, and just go home. We had just finished our 82-hour travel “day”, I was too hot to want to do anything (including shower, which I did anyway), and I wasn’t feeling well because of food.
I just wanted to be home. In my own bed. With my family. Sitting in air conditioning. Having a meal I know I could eat. On my computer. Watching Netflix. Just anything at home. This got me thinking.
If I were to go home now…
…I could have a warm bed in a cool house.
…I could hug my family whenever I wanted.
…I could eat healthy for my body without much trouble.
…I could get away from all the traveling and meeting new people constantly.
…I could have a car and independence to go wherever I wanted whenever I wanted.
…I could go to church on Sundays and spend time with God whenever I wanted throughout the week.
…I could have a secure job making decent money and buying what I wanted and needed as I wished.
…I could do nothing if I really wanted to do so.
…I could shower as needed and have clean clothes every day.
…I could get back in my routine and settle in to a fairly blessed life.
Then I realized something, as hard as it was to realize. I can’t go yet.
If I were to go home now…
…I would not learn to get through the hard trials, probably going through them later because I didn’t learn now.
…I would go back to my old habits and lose all of the passion and drive God has put in me.
…I would lose out on all of the experiences and lessons God has waiting for me.
…I would miss out on following Christ to where he wants me to be.
…I would be settling for less than who I am.
…I would be quitting something that God truly wants me to do.
…I would be stating I only want the status quo I have always lived in and nothing more.
…I would only say I’m a Christian, but not actually live the plan he has for me.
…I would never be able to break the restlessness cycle that I have been in, treating to find something new every few months.
I was made for more. I am not a fan of Christianity. I am a follower of Christ. The hard and narrow road he has asked me to follow is one of pain, strength, homesickness, unconditional love, being uncomfortable, joy, weakness, power, and most of all, Christ. If I went home, I would not only be disobeying his direction in my life, but also be missing out of the wonderful blessings (and learning experiences) he has waiting for me.
#redefiningdisciple #GodIsInControl
