The neighborhood we live in is comprised of predominantly Muslim families. Many of the female students where we teach come to school in floor length clothing, long sleeves, and hijabs (head scarves). The culture is conservative, so as females, our shoulders and knees have to be covered at all times. Christianity is permitted in Malaysia, but being a missionary is not. You may practice your faith quietly and privately, but to evangelize is completely illegal. Our contact primarily utilizes World Race teams to teach English in the school, and if we are found out as missionaries it could jeopardize the school and the work our contact does.
(Carly Jean Photography)
When we arrived, the rules were cut and dry:
-Do not add anyone on facebook
-Do not give anyone your full name
-Do not mention the name of the school or the contact in your blogs (and try to refrain from specific location details)
-Do not openly share the gospel with anyone
-Do not eat food from people in the neighborhood, unless it is fully inspected by PT (people have tried to put curses and bones in the food given to Racers before)
-Do not come downstairs from the bedrooms without making sure you’re properly clothed
-If you’re a female, take a male with you if you go out after dark
-Do not pray in public
Etc.
We are nearly halfway through the month, and our contact has already been victim to several accusations. Any time any of us go anywhere, we are noticed. We have to walk nearly a mile to get to internet, and because we can never travel alone (we have to be in groups of three or more if it’s only females) we tend to stick out. We have to be diligent about the dress code, even when we’re working out. Recently, PT informed us that there have been allegations of us being missionaries presented by the neighborhood board.
I want desperately to have a heart for the people of Malaysia. I want to love them well. So far it has proven very hard. We have been asked to refrain from answering any questions from people in the community, except questions about teaching at the school. PT explained to us that there is a group in the community who try to, in essence, get Christians to try to minister to them by asking us lots of questions about our faith, and turn them into the authorities.
Being in an area that is so hostile toward Christianity has motivated me to ponder a lot about how Jesus must have felt when people doubted and worked against his ministry. Ideally, I would love to be able to connect deeply with each people group I come across on the Race. That was my hope and goal in ministering to people of so many different nations: that I might be able to love them with the heart of Jesus.
I have been realizing that I cannot do this on my own. Honestly, I’m surprised it took me until month 6 to realize it. I remember my squad leader, Laura, saying early on (maybe even month 1), “If you think you have it in you to love with abandonment without the love of The Lord, I pray that you would learn that is utterly false as soon as possible.” Obviously when she said it, it struck me, because I wrote it down. But it has not been until this month I’ve been able to earnestly see how the love of Jesus is absolutely necessary in loving other people. It has been nearly effortless for me to love the people in every other country I’ve been in, but what happens when I am asked to love like my Savior did? He loved those who treated him with hostility and humbly washed the feet of the man who sent him to be murdered.
I am at the end of myself. I cannot love the people of Malaysia on my own. I’m tired of being stared at. I’m tired of being looked at like an alien when I smile at someone. I’m tired of my motives being questioned. I’m tired of second-guessing every outfit I pick out. I’m tired of losing sleep because of mosquito bites. I’m tired of walking in the heat of the day to talk to the only people (outside of my Race family) who love and support what I’m doing. Instead of feeling like I’m full of the Holy Spirit, I’m full of doubt, anger, and insecurity.
In great contrast to the current position of my heart, there was a man named Stephen who was completely filled with the Holy Spirit, focused and driven, intent on spreading the gospel through preaching, signs, and wonders. He was heavily persecuted, arrested, and as he was being stoned to death he cries out on behalf of his murderers, “Lord, do not hold this sin against them,” echoing the prayer Jesus prayed on the cross (Acts 7:60). When I read stories like this of men and women full of incredible faith, I’m even more infuriated with my horrible attitude. Has anyone arrested me? Have I been beaten? And yet my heart is hardened toward these people.
Something that gives me great hope for the people who are so vehemently opposed to our ministry, though, occurred shortly after Stephen’s death. Saul, the super Jew, who approved of Stephen’s death, and “dragged men and women to prison,” (Acts 8:3) is approached by Jesus as he is muttering threats against and pursuing more opportunities to persecute Christians. His passions are redirected. He changes his name and proclaims the gospel boldly, and begins to have similar experiences to those he persecuted. In 2 Corinthians (Chapter 11), we read an account of his sufferings for the gospel: Shipwrecks, imprisonments, beatings, etc. Above all else, Paul’s life should point us to the hope that is in Christ Jesus. He opposed the gospel more passionately than nearly anyone, but his life was completely transformed by it. I pray the same will be true of our neighbors and community members.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, I pray can begin to love the people of Malaysia despite my own shortcomings. I pray that the sacrificial love of Jesus will fill me and, in turn, pour out. Come what may.
Grace and peace,
Sarah
