For unto us a child is born.
A baby girl.
Another mouth to feed.
What can be done with her? She’s of no use to anyone until she can earn money for her family.
When she’s six years-old or so, she can be sold to a random stranger to perform sexual acts, and the profit from that transaction can help provide for her family.
And she will likely do this for the rest of her life.
Did I mention this girl lives in Pattaya, Thailand, one of the largest sex trafficking capitals in the world? Did I mention that thousands of men (and women) flock to her city to take advantage of cheap prices on thousands of girls like her?
This is the city where God has led us for the time being. We were briefed for it. We have heard the stories. “Oh, Pattaya, yeah, it’s really dark there. Men from all over the world just go there for one thing.” With stories like these, it’s really difficult to not assume the worst of the tourists we see.
Last night, my team and I did “bar outreach”, which honestly looked a lot less like going in and raiding bars swarmed with underage, overworked prostitutes, and a lot more like spending time with women who have been in this business for a long time and don’t want to hear you tell them they’re beautiful. Usually they hear that phrase right before they’re taken advantage of. We prayed for our minds and our hearts to be focused. The founder of Thrive, Jen, said something incredibly simple and yet it resonated deeply with several of us.
“In your heart, you’re doing ministry. In your head you’re going to a bar.”
We walked in.
We sat with a woman and bought her a drink. We drank water. Two of my teammates offered to paint her nails. I asked her questions.
How long have you been in Pattaya?
How many children do you have?
What are their ages?
Where are you from originally?
I tried my best to tell anecdotes and set her at ease. I’m sure it’s awkward when you’re accustomed to sitting down with a man, wondering whether or not he will pay your “owner” to take you away for sex, and instead get bombarded by young North American women who want to paint your nails, buy you a drink, and hear about your life. Over and over again, I kept thinking to myself, Sarah, you’ve been to bars before. You can maintain a conversation. You can make people feel welcomed and valued. God has given you this gift. While I talked, I tried to make my stories lively and animated.
When I looked at the men who were in the bars, preparing to pay for an hour of these women’s services, I was filled with an unprecedented amount of rage. The message we carry is a transformative one, and I truly believe God can redeem the heart of a woman, even if she feels an overwhelming amount of shame, guilt, and unworthiness. But can you imagine hearing this message of hope, receiving it, and two hours later you’re expected to have sex with a complete stranger? Imagine hearing a message of grace, but feeling trapped by your circumstances, and everyone else around you saying that there is no way out for you, that these are the cards you were dealt. Imagine being used for what your body can do, rather than being respected as a human being (and an image bearer of God).
I sat in that bar, sipping my water, fuming.
All of the anger came at once: MEN DO THIS. MEN are the terrible scum who perpetuate this ludicrous industry. MEN are the ones who take advantage of women when they CAN’T say no. MEN are the pigs who can’t contain their lusts and passions.
Through the correction of the Holy Spirit and some excellent conversations with my teammates and friends here at Thrive, here are a few realizations I’ve made:
Jesus is a man.
(Okay, yes, and God. Fully God, fully man, theologically speaking –hypostatic union, got it. The point is, he is a man.) Our God in his divine sovereignty saw fit to become a man Himself so that he could rescue and restore humanity. He loved women as sisters and treated them with unparalleled respect and kindness in his day.
My father is a man.
He was the first man in the physical world to hold me, the first one to change my diaper, and to wipe away my tears. He was the first man to hold my hand, the first man to comfort me, and the man I will always cherish most in this world until (and if) God sees fit to bring a husband and sons into my life.
Speaking of which, I hope to one day marry a man.
This is pretty self-explanatory, but if I marry, I will marry a man who is one of integrity and honor, one who loves and worships Jesus with all of himself.
My life is comprised of lots of excellent men.
There are men on my squad. Ten of them, to be precise. They are not perfect, but they love Jesus and their sisters (both blood-related and squad-related, which is nearly the same thing) well. They respect us. They listen to us. As God’s image bearers, they each reflect a different attribute of God. Two incredible men are married to my college roommates and will one day be (and already are) the doting fathers of my honorary nieces and nephews.
Clearly my internal anger-bomb postmarked “TO: ALL MEN, EVERYWHERE” was a little misguided, but there are some things I need to say to all of the men reading this.
Dear brothers,
I am genuinely sorry if you have ever felt rejected, neglected, disrespected or betrayed. In my limited experience in close proximity to men, I have found that these are some of the deepest desires in the hearts of men: to be accepted, to be loved, to be respected, and to inspire loyal relationships. I am sorry if a person has betrayed your trust, stabbed you in the back (figuratively; though, if literally, ouch), left you feeling unfulfilled and disappointed, or blatantly defied you and what you stand for.
I am genuinely sorry for assuming that all of you want sex all of the time. We women are taught this from an early age, partially because it’s (somewhat) true, and partially because the people who tell us these things do so to protect us. I am sorry for the times you have been seduced and enticed when you had originally intended to remain abstinent. I’m really sorry if you’ve been raped. I haven’t, but I have talked to people who have, and no matter your gender, it just sucks. I hope that you were given the space and freedom to seek healing if that is the case.
I am sorry that we have not celebrated your differences, but instead we have tried to analyze and correct them. I’m sorry that we often berate you for not understanding our emotions.
I am especially sorry that we expect our Christian brothers to be the living, walking incarnation of Christ and fulfill all of our emotional, spiritual, and physical needs. I’m sorry we release years of bottled up hopes and dreams on you, but refuse to communicate them with you, and expect you to know exactly what we want (I’m looking at you, pinterest/youtube proposals).
For all of these things, I am truly sorry. Now, if I may (and I may, because this is my blog), I have a few words to both challenge and encourage:
If you have been wounded in any of the outlets I mentioned just now, I would encourage you to STOP thinking casual sex or demanding sex from women, or really just any kind of sex in general will serve as an adequate cure for the wounds you have acquired.
If you are frustrated because you’re bombarded with boobs and the like in media, I would urge you to remember that you are in control of your surroundings. If you don’t know the story of Joseph and Potiphar’s wife, I highly recommend looking that one up (Ms. lady wants to get naked and do the deed, and homeboy straight books it out of town). You have the capability to step away, look away, or in Joseph’s case, run away.
Please do not perpetuate the problem. In this, I refuse to climb onto my Christian soapbox. You know where I stand. I don’t believe in sex before marriage. If you do or have done or whatever, hear this: I am not here to judge, I am here to love you and meet you where you are. I believe ultimately that judging is God’s job, and he created the world, so I seriously doubt he needs my help. I am simply begging you on behalf of broken and hurting women who cannot speak for themselves: choose to avoid taking advantage of women who are in their situation against their will, and are probably severely unhappy. Even if you don’t believe in Jesus (kudos to you for making it this far through this blog post), you can admit that it is wrong. And, I promise, if you have a daughter one day, you will never want a stranger to take advantage of her.
Be men who lead well. Be men who love well. Be men who bless and not curse, who encourage growth instead of exploitation. We need and want your leadership.
We are trying our best to make a change and a shift in the statistics, but it cannot be done without you.
God loves you, we love you, and we are hopeful that there will be more of you soon.
And now, a brief letter to the women in my life:
My sisters,
If we expect our brothers to live up to this standard, we are obligated to support them in their endeavors to be better men. We cannot simply say, “Hey, you, stop being a crappy human being and do these things instead.” We have the ability to call them out when they treat women disrespectfully. We need to be women of grace and integrity who love the men in our lives well and challenge and inspire them to be better men. I realize there are examples of women who spent years being the epitome of gracious and humble and honest, only to be completely destroyed and run over by the men in their lives. I am asking this of you, anyway. The way to combat heartache is not by making it more widespread. I love you and I’m for you, but hear me out on this: men are not the problem. Sin is. We are all broken people. If you pursue attributes that will make you a better woman, you will inspire the men in your life to be better men.
Together, and with the Lord’s grace and assistance, we can do this.
Grace and peace,
Sarah
p.s. “God of this City” was written in/for Pattaya. We believe God can and will redeem HIS city. We believe he can and will redeem HIS men and women, too.
Thrive Rescue Home Website: http://www.thriverescuehome.org/
