Sometimes we allow our thoughts to run rampant while we keep our outward actions in check. The interior is a little harder to control, especially because the two beings who have access to your thought-life are you and God, unless you convey to another person what you’re thinking or feeling. Even then, we are apt to filter ourselves and present our thoughts and feelings in a positive light. Lately, I’ve been extremely convicted about my thought patterns. The scripture that came to mind to describe my thought-life was Matthew 15:8-9 (ESV):
This people honors me with their lips, but their heart is far from me; in vain do they worship me.
It’s really awesome when Jesus gives a spiritual smack down to the Pharisees, but not so much when it applies to your own walk with Him.
Let me break it down for you: When you recognize something in your thoughts that is dwelling a little too long on something that does not honor God, or even distracts you from God’s goodness and grace, you have to acknowledge it, repent for it, and rid yourself of it. In world race lingo (and I guess just Christian lingo?), it’s called taking your thoughts captive. A lot of the wisdom I’m about to hit you with comes directly from my one-on-one check in with my squad leader, Laura. I am thankful for her guidance, her call to repentance, and her grace with me.
Lately this has manifested itself in my life in several different ways.
- Attack from the Enemy/Believing lies about myself (and my ministry capabilities)
I tend to believe I’m kind of a one-trick pony when it comes to ministry. Most of the time, I am apt to believe that I’m only useful because of my voice. This is something I have believed for a long time. When you get a degree in vocal performance, you’re pretty much defined by your voice. Sometimes it feels like the only way I can contribute to ministry. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. It was by God’s great grace and provision that I received my voice—it was nothing of my own doing. But even then, it is not my defining attribute. I have to remind myself daily of my identity in Christ, because THESE are my defining attributes, and frankly, how I combat the Enemy’s accusations:
- I am a daughter of the light (1 Thess. 5:5).
- I am hand-crafted and born anew in Christ (Ephesians 2:10).
- My body is a temple (1 Corinth. 6:19).
- I am a stranger to this world, a temporary citizen (1 Peter 2:11).
- I am chosen, holy, and dearly loved (Coloss. 3:12).
- I have been bought with a price (1 Corinth. 6:20).
2. Conection with friends and family at home
This is dangerous because it doesn’t look dangerous. God has set apart this season, of all seasons, for me to experience the people he has placed on my team and in my path. He has graciously given me amazing, life-long friends (in high school and in college), but they were never meant to provide an excuse for me not to open my heart to a new set of people. Part of genuinely connecting with my teammates and squadmates will just be a product of time, but I should not cushion myself with my circle of friends in order to avoid allowing my teammates to see and speak into my life. This week I shared with my team leader that I was using facebook/communicating with friends and family as a way to prepare myself for later on in the race, when it will probably be much harder to be away from home. She reminded me that in month 5 (or later), if homesickness arises, my team will still be there, and my family and friends will not. Also, she reminded me (I mean, I knew, but it’s easy to forget) that for this season, I chose and God called me to this life. Additionally, she challenged me to a week without internet for this reason. Good call. Difficult call. Necessary call. I love you guys so much, but I refuse to let you become an excuse for me to not opt into whatever God will teach me through the ladies on my team.
- Idolatry.
Man, sometimes it is so depressing to sit with the weight of our sin and to know that we will wrestle with it for our entire lives, especially when we behold (with our limited comprehension) the unwavering goodness and faithful love of God. And yet, here I am, continually wrestling the desire and yearning to make something other than Jesus Christ my ultimate savior and satisfaction. This is where it is absolutely imperative that I take my thoughts captive. Lately this looks a lot like handing over to God the idols of my heart in the form of surrender.
When I had my one-on-one with Laura and questioned her about taking thoughts captive, she provided a beautiful visual. She said, “Sarah, when I come face to face with idols in my thought-life, the story that comes to mind is the one in which Abraham takes Isaac to the altar to die. I carry whatever it is, and yes, sometimes it has been people, to the mountain, build an altar and lay it down, and prepare to set it aflame.” Wow.
(1) After these things God tested Abraham and said to him, “Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” (2) He said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains of which I shall tell you.” (3) So Abraham rose early in the morning, saddled his donkey, and took two of his young men with him, and his son Isaac. And he cut the wood for the burnt offering and arose and went to the place of which God had told him. (4) On the third day Abraham lifted up his eyes and saw the place from afar. (5) Then Abraham said to his young men, “Stay here with the donkey; I and the boy will go over there and worship and come again to you. (6) And Abraham took the wood of the burnt offering and laid it on Isaac his son. And he took in his hand the fire and the knife. So they went both of them together. (7) And Isaac said to his father Abraham, “My father!” And he said, “Here I am, my son.” He said, “Behold, the fire and the wood, but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?” (8) Abraham said, “God will provide for himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.” So they went both of them together.(9) When they came to the place of which God had told him, Abraham built the altar there and laid the wood in order and bound Isaac his son and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. (10) Then Abraham reached out his hand and took the knife to slaughter his son. (11) But the angel of the Lord called to him from heaven and said, “Abraham, Abraham!” And he said, “Here I am.” (12) He said, “Do not lay your hand on the boy or do anything to him, for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me.” -Genesis 22:1-12 (ESV)
Pause. When I heard this story recounted for me as a child, it didn’t really resonate with me. Okay, so Abraham obeys God, ties his son down to an altar, and almost kills him, but then God is all, “Nah, just testin’,” and sends Bambi’s dad instead. Got it.
Today in a real way, this story resonated with me. I can’t remember who said/wrote it, but recently I read a quote that begged people to think while they read the Bible. And I guess, when reading this story, I did for the first time.
The passage isn’t clear about Isaac’s age, though Abraham does refer to him as “boy.” When I read this passage now, I picture a father, clearly in anguish, preparing to murder the son he waited and longed for so badly for a long, long time. I picture a little boy, no more than ten years old, asking questions like, “Dad, are we there yet?” grateful to have an opportunity to go hiking with his father.
It would be foolish of me to compare my idols to the (almost) death of a beloved son. But isn’t that exactly what it feels like? Lord, I have waited and longed for this since I was sixteen. I know it’s the right thing for me. I have obeyed your commands. I have kept the faith. When will you give me what my heart desires? Maybe Abraham was feeling a bit of entitlement, too. God, was not it I who helped his mother conceive the boy? Does he not bear my likeness? How can you take away my only legitimate son?
May I just submit to you that this is the TOTALLY wrong picture of God? How long have I clung to this picture of Him with my sweaty hands? Forever, it seems. If I follow his commands, if I perform a certain way, he will give what my heart aches for… That looks a lot like performance in order to obtain God’s gifts and not like a biblically-based relationship with God. Here’s some truth from Proverbs 3:5&6 (The Message):
Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all.
My teammate, Carly, actually wrote me a note with this scripture on it earlier in the week after we spent time in prayer for our team. God is gracious to us in that sometimes people, completely unaware of what we’re processing internally, speak life and truth into our situations.
So, here I am, dragging my idols up the mountain, building an altar, and tying them down to offer to my God. Whether or not he provides a ram with its horns stuck in the bushes is irrelevant. He asks for all because he is completely holy and other and worthy, but it’s amazing how the burdens I carry lighten simply by walking in obedience. I sometimes (read: frequently) fail. But God is good and he is faithful, even in my wandering.
In what way(s) have you learned to take your thoughts captive?
Here’s a playlist of songs that help me remember God’s love and rid myself of idols:
- Clear The Stage – Jimmy Needham
- You Won’t Relent – Aslan
- Curious – Andy Mineo
- I Don’t Need A Man – Miss A (This is just for funsies, honestly. It’s in Korean.)
- Burn Us Up – Shane & Shane
- If You Want Me To – Ginny Owens
- Hosea’s Wife – Brooke Fraser
- Caught Dreaming – Andy Mineo
- Alas and Did My Savior Bleed – Sojourn
- My Only – John Mark McMillan
- Christ Alone – Eden’s Edge
- Superhuman – Andy Mineo
- All I Have Is Yours – Sojourn
- Enough – BarlowGirl
- Everything Is Yours – Audrey Assad
Grace and peace,
Sarah
