This is how it goes: Jesus has given me far above and beyond anything I can ever imagine. I really thought the world race was a time of unmitigated service in the name of Jesus. There are ways it does look like service, but I am constantly checking my motives. Am I serving to build up my name or the name of Jesus? Is the World Race, dare I say it, just another thing to go on my resume when I get home?
No. It cannot be. It is infinitely more.
There are glimpses on the race, microscopic moments of near wholeness with God. There are moments when I feel God near me, almost tangibly, and I can hear him speak to me, or feel him prompt me to speak to a particular person, or do a certain thing. These moments don’t always happen, and when they do, they don’t always make sense. And these moments are attacked immediately by the Enemy.
Yesterday was a prime example of this. My knee has been improving, but it’s still not 100%. We went to Candelaria, a village near Chichigalpa to do door to door evangelism. There’s mud everywhere (it’s the rainy season here, so it rains pretty much every day), and people are burning trash, so there’s a lot of smoke in the air. Also, as per usual, there are mystery mosquitos lurking at every turn (It’s better to describe them this way, rather than as they are: obnoxious, little bugs who are diligent about draining your blood). And it’s hot. Really, really hot.
Door to door evangelism is something a lot of people struggle with. In the States, door to door ministry has phased out almost entirely. We’re a society of individuals who make our homes havens, and only the people we invite in are allowed admittance. This was our ministry for today. I was anticipating God showing up in big ways. He did, though He showed up in some small ways, too. Sometimes God is most evident in tears and hugs.
After walking around for a while, the smoke from burning trash really started impacting my breathing. I had been bitten by several mosquitos (on my face, no less. The devils!), and I was terrified of slipping/falling in the mud. Then I realized how completely distracted I was from the expectant heart with which I had entered the day of ministry.
Sometimes, glory to God, the Enemy cannot tempt us to sin. Sometimes Jesus is just too beautiful and you can actually make a conscious decision against something that does not please him. When he cannot tempt you to sin, he will distract you. I say that as I write this blog and look at people’s pictures of pumpkin patches on facebook. Automatically my heart is triggered, longing to be home, and I start to question God.
Lord, why did you bring me here? Lord, I miss comfort. Lord, I miss my family. Lord, can you even hear me?
Just like that, I was distracted. I was distracted by hives and asthma and mosquito bites. I was distracted by my already aching leg. I prayed with less authority. I’m not saying sicknesses, bug bites, and sprained knees aren’t valid, but I am saying they should not become platforms from which the Enemy can weave in his deception with your faith. He will twist and manipulate the way we look at a day of ministry, or an injury, as if it is God’s will that we leave the field.
This is what the year will look like. There are always instances of spiritual attack and fighting those. If you’ve ever talked to a racer, they’ve probably told you that we all have really strange dreams, and sometimes they are not pleasant in the least. They are hard to deal with. This is another attack from the enemy. Every waking moment, we try our hardest to pursue holiness, to pursue a simple life, to pursue our teammates, to pursue genuine service. We try our hardest to be in communication with God, and we practice listening to his voice. We test what we’ve heard against scripture to make certain it’s the voice of our Father. Often, the enemy can creep into our dreams because he cannot penetrate our prayer life or cannot tempt us to sin.
I know that my life for the next year will be a fight: against circumstance, against attacks, against distraction (even from those I love dearly). God is jealous for this season of my life. He has to take priority in order for my ministry to be effective at all. He demands to be my first love.
I am asking you to recognize this, too. Know that there will be days that I will not live up to this. Missionaries are not perfect, nor do we have it all together. But this race is not a way to repay God for deleting my sin. There is no way I can ever achieve that. This race is to run after his heart with all that I have.
I am asking for your provision, knowing what you know about the race. I am praying that God will place people into my life who are called by God to give, just as I am called by God to go. Even when we doubt, he is faithful.
Currently, I am only $581 away from meeting my next deadline. This deadline will ultimately buy me more time on the field. By February 1st, I will be expected to be fully funded. I believe Jesus can/wants to do this. I believe he wants to use you for that.
I need roughly $6,000 before February 1st. I know God can make it happen. I am asking you to partner with and pray with me.
Thank you for your prayer. Thank you for your love and for your kind emails and messages. And thank you for supporting me financially so that I can show God’s love to others. You’re incredible.
Grace and peace,
Sarah
