It has been an emotional week.
There have been both thrilling victories and deep, dark defeats.
But my bags are packed(ish…), and I'm ready to go.
This week I came to the conclusion that being "ready" does not always look like being unwaveringly confident in your direction. God has laid out a path before me that seems more difficult, more terrifying, and more heart-wrenching than any path I would have ever chosen for myself.
Throughout preparations for the Race, the holy spirit has called me to release certain aspects of my life that I had clung to so tightly, my knuckles white. I have wrestled, over and over again, with the question that plagues many believers: "Is Jesus your ultimate satisfaction? Is he enough for you?"
Tomorrow, I will load two (smaller than you would imagine) bags into my Daddy's car and backseat ride all of the way to Atlanta. It will be early, so my nerves will not be in full swing yet. Probably somewhere around 11 am, I will start to feel the weight of the situation: This is goodbye. For eleven months.
Where will my heart be then? A place of worship? A place of grief? Both?
I cannot be sure.
But I will say this:
I have read and heard stories of World Race alumnus. Sometimes, when I was first deciding whether or not to go on the race, I would just hear the things that scared me:
All of my electronics were stolen.
I caught malaria, even though I was extremely cautious.
I caught a parasite while river bathing.
I caught lice the first month.
and on and on and on…
The World Race is not a bubble. I think as much as I would like it to be, or my parents would like it to be, it isn't 100% safety guaranteed.
Here's the thing, though. Neither is everyday life here, in Burke County, North Carolina. I could get in a car wreck, I could catch the flu, I could get cancer tomorrow.
Do the sad and awful things that could happen keep us from actually living? Do they keep us from embracing the truth that regardless of our situation, Jesus gives us hope and a reason to press on, trusting that we are agents of His reconciliation?
Friends, I believe our joy should not be determined by our current hardship. Yes, we will endure heartbreak and suffering, as is only right in a path that follows Jesus, but I pray that it will not define us. I pray that it will bring us deeper into reliance on God.
Packing for the World Race is definitely a process in which you come to terms with how much you're willing to rely on the Lord to provide for your basic needs. You are told to not bring as many clothes as you think you would need, because you can always find clothes. You can fit (reasonably) around 3 pairs of shoes (shhh, I'm bringing 4). You are instructed to only bring a month or two (or so) worth of toiletries and feminine products, and basically only a week's worth of clothing. If it doesn't fit in your packing cubes (if you don't know what these are, google them, they're INCREDIBLE), you leave it out. It is a TIGHT fit. And every miniscule detail matters.
Do I believe Jesus can and will provide for my needs if I run out of clothing or toiletries? We'll see. I came into this world having everything I could ever need or want, thanks in large part to my attentive and generous parents. I have never been in a position where I genuinely had to rely on the Lord to see if I might have a shower, a meal, or a place to rest my head. In addition to serving people who God has planned for us to serve, we are willingly placing ourselves in a position to trust Him unconditionally. This will be a brutal (and I believe necessary) development of faith.
Thank you for your prayers, sweet friends. They are invaluable to me as I transition into a time of growth and uninhibited ministry to others. Pray that I would not get in my own way; that God, through any means necessary, would humble my heart to be that of a servant.
I am terrified, nervous, and excited as I take the next steps. I get to see this scripture manifested. I am living God's word (Hebrews 12: 1&2):
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.
I love you, and I'll write you soon.
Grace and Peace,
Sarah
