There are days when I have never been more ready to embark on this amazing journey.
There are days when I have never been more terrified of anything in my entire life.
Today was somewhere in between.
I got a chance to speak with my dear friend and college roommate, Leah, who is in North Dakota at present. These conversations are typically rare and brief, so I welcomed it with open arms. Throughout our conversation, Leah expressed her extreme anguish about a situation in her life. I asked her if I could pray, and after I prayed she told me that she often forgets to pray about the simplest things. I think the same could be said for many people. She reminded me that many of my prayers in college sounded much like this:
God, I know you are extremely busy, but I am very frustrated that I cannot find my toothbrush. I know you have orphans to rescue and widows to comfort and my toothbrush is definitely secondary, but I would rejoice in finding it.
It may seem trivial, but when Leah reminded me that my prayers used to sound like this, I was convicted. I know the toothbrush prayer is kind of a silly example, but I used to approach God for anything and everything, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant the detail. I miss the childlike innocence and complete faith that went hand-in-hand with those prayers. I'm not saying that God "answered those prayers" every single time, but He probably, at very least, laughed with me.
An extremely crucial part of prayer is voicing our thoughts and emotions to God. He hears us when we sing. He hears us when we pray. He hears us when we can't quite articulate how we feel, but still draw near to Him. And drawing near to Him, whether it is to listen or to speak, is the most important thing we can do.
In drawing closer to God, we skip the middle man. He is our place to vent, our filter. When we take to Him our anger, despair, discomfort, joy, and pain, we are heard. He is a safe place for our initial reactions to situations, that may fill us with elation or fury or anything in between, to rest. And then He very graciously sends the Holy Spirit to guide our hearts towards repentance or reconciliation. One of my favorite quotes from a sermon Pastor Bryan (of Missio Dei Church) gave is this: The conviction of sin through the Holy Spirit is God's mercy, not His wrath. His wrath would be to leave us in our sin.
I love hearing that quote over and over again. Often, it is incredibly easy to feel "singled out" or "guilty" because of the work the Holy Spirit does in our hearts and minds, and less easy to feel that we are being refined by a God who wants us to be holy more than he wants us to be happy. He knows that ultimately holiness will bring us joy in Him. And he knows everything, anyway.
While I'm not encouraging praying for your missing toothbrush, I would encourage you (and me), to approach Jesus with your every day. To approach him with the good, the horrible, the confusing, the frightening, the miraculous, etc. Because He was tempted in every way we were, yet was without sin, remember? His communication with God The Father must have been continuous. He must have spoken with God about everything.
"For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
-Hebrews 4:15-16
So, this evening on my drive home, I just met God where I was. Terrified. Excited. Uncertain of the future. Ready. Not at all ready. And he very sweetly reminded me of all of those times the toothbrush was on my desk or in the top drawer beneath the bathroom sink, as if to say, "Dental hygiene is important. So is the World Race. I am glad you recognize both. Draw near to me, and I will be with you. I know you. I've memorized you. And I will always hear you when you speak to me."
