I used to think that missionaries and pastors were super-spiritual people. Even though I was taught that they were just like me, I didn't think that could be possible. God does such BIG things through them, there has to be something special about them. Then I decided to be a missionary for this season and I realized how incredibly untrue it was. I still struggle with disobedience and doubt. I don't have any special talents. I'm shy and quiet. Yet somehow, God has used me to do amazing things just in the past two weeks. I'm SO humbled that God would use a sinful, stubborn person like me to advance His Kingdom.
Even though I had a bad attitude about door-to-door evangelism almost every day, God blessed it by His Holy Spirit speaking through me to lead people to Him. Each day my team has seen 4-18 people accept Jesus as their Savior. In total, over 90 people prayed to receive Christ in the past two weeks. Woah! It's been my heart's desire to see one person this month come to the Lord and then we see this much fruit every single day! Even though I saw God show up day after day, I still struggled with doubts wondering if people were sincere in their professions that they were giving their lives to Jesus. God was good enough to show me that He had truly changed their hearts. These new believers would show up at our revivals that night or the next day. They would fall on their knees and weep. They would throw their arms up in worship. And they would give beautiful, sincere testimonies.
Even more incredible and humbling was how God spoke through me last Saturday evening. As I wrote in a previous blog ("My Biggest Fear"), I had a huge problem with public speaking. God graced me with freedom from my fear of speaking, but I still really don't enjoy it and try to get out of it whenever I can. But last Saturday, God laid a message so heavily on my heart (about freedom from sin…look for my next entry for my message notes) that I was actually excited about speaking it out. And God used my words, well His words that He spoke out through me, to bring freedom to the people at the revival. Two women came up to the front after the service to get prayer for freedom and one of them ended up face-down on the floor crying out to God. The next morning at the church service, my message got brought up several times. People actually got something from it! God worked in hearts to break people and change people and give people hope. The most powerful testimony was from our contact, Esther. She stood in front of the church and confessed that she has just been going through the motions and that she has strayed from God, but from her interactions with our team and listening to our messages she decided to rededicate her life to the Lord. Wow. I'm so humbled. I can't believe God allows me to be part of this.
Sunday night, my incredible sister/teammate Julie spoke about how our weaknesses don't matter because God is our strength and all He's looking for is someone who is willing to say "yes" to being used. She referred back to in Genesis when God asked Moses to lead the Israelites our of Egypt. Moses was just a shepherd and he wasn't a very good speaker. He didn't really understand why God would choose him, but he said "yes" to God and look at what God did through him! Julie getting up in front of the church to deliver this powerful message was such a testimony in itself because Julie hates public speaking, but she said "yes" to God and He totally used it to inspire and challenge everyone in the room. Check out her own blog about her experience speaking here.
I'm just a 22 yr old girl from Wisconsin fresh out of college who tries to follow Jesus, but who fails over and over by often choosing the world over God. There's no way I deserve to travel the world sharing God's love. There's no way I deserve to have Him speak through me. There's no way I deserve to see people get saved. There's no way I deserve to hear people saying that their lives have been transformed because they have met me. But God in His amazing, unfailing grace has allowed me to be a part of all this. I'm so humbled and even baffled that this is true. God has so much grace. He's so good to us!
At one of our first meetings with the pastors to plan and pray for our crusade and revivals, a pastor introduced himself to the group and said "I am here to help and serve in whatever way possible for the glory of God." I actually took out a notepad to write down what he said because I thought it was so powerful. How sweet must that declaration have been to God's ears. What I've learned from my time in Kenya is that all God wants is for us to be willing to do what He calls us to do. He'll do all the work. Really. I haven't had to do anything except say "yes." I don't have the strength or ability to do anything else, but God does.
I want to challenge you to say "yes" to God at least once this week. He's always asking us to step out for His glory, but at least for myself I had gotten so used to saying "no" that I stopped recognizing God's nudges. Don't make excuses or let your weaknesses hold you back. If God can use me in all of my weaknesses to save souls in Kenya, He can absolutely use you. Just say "yes." God does not ask us to step out in vain; He WILL be with you, He WILL strengthen you, He WILL use you, and He WILL use your obedience to bear good fruit. God bless.
