Note: Like any great experience, words can do it no justice. The same is true here, but I thought I would at least try to communicate what I experienced today.
This morning we go to see the sunrise over Angkor Wat, one of the Seven Wonders of the World. We watch as the sky lightens and spend some time walking around and taking pictures of the main temple-as seen on all the postcards. I am not impressed. The sunrise left something to be desired as the sky is dull and overcast. I spend most of my time aimlessly wondering or just sitting down. My mind is on other things that are weighing on me and I am wrestling with a growing restlessness and discomfort inside of me.
We hop back in our tuk tuks to head to see Angkor Thom and the other ruins. We slow down and take pictures and hop out here and there but are mainly just cruising along through the area. The ruins are noteworthy, I guess, but what keeps getting my attention is the nature surrounding the whole area. It is so beautiful. It is captivating me. My restlessness is increasing as I want to go explore. My whole body starts to crave what I was seeing. There are trails that I see starting off into the woods and my heart desperately, DESPERATELY wants to be let loose to explore, to take in, to discover. I try to get someone on board with hiking through them with me but there are no takers. My heart starts to ache. My whole body starts to ache. I am on the verge of tears. I want to scream. I want the adventure and the beauty. I need it. I want to touch it, feel it, taste it even. I want it to overtake me. I want it so badly, it hurts. It is a longing like I have ever felt before.
We end up at the last location where “Laura Croft Tomb Raider” was filmed. I am now on foot again and am still desperate to dive into the nature around me. I kick off my shoes, wanting to feel the dirt under my feet. It isn’t enough. I want to get closer. Ughh, I can’t even describe it. It isn’t enough! I try to follow the rules and stay by my team but I can’t any longer. I am pulled to the side of the area and am immediately on my knees. I start crying. I look at the trees and leaves and beauty that is in front of me and my soul starts to cry out. I look to my right and there was a fallen tree crossing a gulley that led to a hill with a wall that looked easily climbable with the vast expanse of nature and freedom just beyond it. I had to go. I ditch all of my things (purse, camera, passport, vaccination records, money, shoes, scarf, ipod, EVERYTHING) by some tree, not completely out in the open, and take off. I hop up on the tree and walk across the small valley. I bound up the short hill and mount the wall. My entire insides are starting to burst. On top of the wall I am forced to my knees again, weeping. No words can be offered with praise of this magnitude, nothing but the deep groaning and crying out of your spirit. I feel like I am bursting and I just want to run. I hop off the wall onto the other side, no longer in sight of the ruins or the people and I run. Back and forth, just a little but that isn’t enough. Nothing can be done to fully release what has been built inside me. I crumble to my knees again, weeping, and with every ounce of me I was screaming out to Him- the kind so forced and powerful that no sound other than that of air actually comes out. From the depths of my soul I am crying out praise to my King. From a place deeper than I knew existed I am pushing out everything I have in a response to what lies before me. And it isn’t enough. My whole body is then stretched out prostrate before Him, with each limb pushing to its furthest reach possible with my entire being still shouting, “Abba! Yahweh! Jehovah! AHHHHHHH!” It still isn’t enough. In a slightly distressing way, I know I cannot offer sufficient praise. I have nothing but my all, and it isn’t enough. He deserves more. I have to settle with giving everything I am and everything I have.
I look out again at the view, trying to take it all in, and realize that more than trees and leaves and sky, I am getting a glimpse at Majesty. Somehow my eyes have been opened to it for maybe the first time and that is why my entire mind, body, and soul are crying out in response. Because, you see, when you get a glimpse at the Majesty of our God- I don’t care if you are Hindu, Buddhist, Atheist, or Christian- one glimpse of Majesty and you are on your knees in worship. There is no other way to respond. It is written that on the day Jesus returns every knee will bow and every tongue confess that He is Lord. I do believe, whole-heartedly now, that it means EVERY person, not just those who believed before He arrives. Because once He shows Himself, in all His glory, there is NO other way to respond. There will be NO doubt in the majesty, power, and all-surpassing greatness of the one true God. There will be NO question as to His existence and authority over all things. If I were to see tomorrow a mountain flatten to the ground before my eyes, I would no longer be surprised because I have seen the tiniest glimpse at the magnitude of God and know it to be possible, but I know that I will immediately being lying face to the ground, prostrate before the Lord in the only position that I can possibly think of as a response to His Majesty. And once again, everything in me will cry out in response.
I never wanted to leave that place. I never wanted to leave the presence dwelling there. I could have stayed forever and never gotten my fill and never been done worshipping. My entire being still aches to return. And return I will. He promised me more, and I at least know on the day of my death or His return I am ensured more. Oh but this period of waiting is awful. It hurts. I have a longing inside of me, deeper than I knew possible, to taste again- oh and it was just a TINY TINY TASTE!!-His all-surpassing Majesty.
