The mind is a muddled mess,
thoughts bog me down like millstones.
In the confusion, in the hurricane of questions
my heart cries out,
“Please don’t leave me here.”
Learning to step out
and allow my soul to be
the wild creation it was made to be
is a perilous yet mighty thing.
It’s a dangerous thing, holding on to
what I see as “myself”.
I have nothing to offer you
that you don’t already have,
that you couldn’t find in another.
Yet it seems you ask it of me,
you ask for all of me,
especially the parts I see as unworthy of you,
especially the parts that are dear to me.
You ask for my love,
all of it.
You ask for my heart,
every place in it.
Please don’t leave me here! I cry.
Then let go, you answer.
Let go of what?
You know what is holding you back, comes the silencing
reply.
reply.
Are they more valuable than I?
Are their life plans for you as great as mine?
Will you become the woman I made you
to be with their weights around your heart?
Mutely I answer,
dumbly I shake my head,
as my flesh fights
for a hold over my tender heart;
but in the depth of my being I know this truth
is ultimate.
That the more I hang on,
the more I allow myself to be tethered down
by the whims of my own desires,
the more I put in between myself and the thing I need the
most.
most.
There is nothing I can hide
that you can’t find.
There is nothing I can hold
that you won’t ask to hold for me.
In letting go
I am able to see
that the love I held for those outside of myself
is not lost
but held in the hands
of the one who made love.
My weariness becomes His strength,
my confusion becomes His clarity,
my lack becomes his abundance.
