This is going to be a long blog. My apologies in advance, especially to Allison Johnston, who taught me better than to spend pages rambling on, but I feel like this has to be said.
This morning was an interesting morning. I went to sleep last night just after midnight, but I didn’t really sleep. I kept waking up, or should I say being woken up. The past week has been interesting for me sleep wise, so I almost expected something to happen last night. I did not, however, expect what actually happened. Anyways, I would sleep for a few minutes, wake up, look around, force myself back to sleep, only to have very strange dreams again and wake up. In my dreams I could hear voices talking softly to me, almost like they were whispering to each other impatiently, waiting for something. At 2:49am I woke up and sat straight up in my bed because I had felt like I’d heard someone knocking right beside my head. There was no fear in the room, no dread, no feeling trapped. I felt at peace, comforted, and wide awake.
It was the first time that I can remember in my life being woken up by God. I felt like I needed to pray, but I wasn’t sure what or who to pray for. My team mate Tamara in the bed beside me also woke up, asked me what was wrong, and prayed for me. She asked me if I was alright, I felt alright in a sense, but I was wide awake at 3 o’clock in the morning, with an intense urge to pray without a clue who for and with a strong sense I shouldn’t sleep but should get up and walk around. Cedric flooded my mind at this instant, so I prayed for baby Cedric and the women taking care of him in the hospital. After that I felt a little better, but I still could not lie back down or shake the urge to get up.
So I got up.
I went out into the dining area here at the YMC base, turned on some lights and paced the floor. Within moments I felt God telling me why I was awake, I muttered out loud to Him for a while (which must have made the security guard outside think that I’m a totally nut job) and then started reading my Bible out loud. I had no idea where to start, so I said, “Okay God, I’ll read my Bible. Where do you want me to read?”
He said, “Matthew.”
“Okay, I’ll start with Matthew” I replied.
So I started reading out Matthew.
And a name of one of my friends came to mind amongst other things.
Here is the letter for my friend. You know who you are, and I hope you take the time to read it. Even if you don’t I hope that someone else will get something out of the ramblings that flowed from my pen at 3:30 am this morning.
Friend,
Your heart is wild.
Why do you turn from the living God?
I tell you this – the mystery you see and love in the world is present because of the almighty God. The same wonderment, excitement, and intrigue you find in the writings of old, live on in our Heavenly Father. The romanticism in the earth’s affair with Heavens glory still goes on to this day.
All that you are enchanted by, exists in a truth and way beyond our human understanding. But it is a truth you need to know intimately.
You are an old soul who values the simplistic tales and concepts of history entwined with deity. The living God is the best story teller, who is capable of wooing you and charming you, capable of thrilling you and humbling you.
You are hungry.
Hungry for sleep, for rest, for peace, for a nourishment that reaches deeper than the aches your body feels.
Because you were made for intimacy and relationship, made for community with the creator of the Universe – you will be completely dissatisfied with all else. Your hunger will grow, your problems will expand, you will reach out and never fully grasp, you will all out to others and never be fully answered, you will be silent but never be perfectly still. At least, until you find that intimacy.
You are humble and mild, but there are currents of passion in you that flow strong beneath the surface. You have an inquisitive mind that works to decipher the instances and emotions that stir your soul – and that, that is a beautiful thing in you.
There is a softness in you, a tenderness that speaks of a quiet wisdom. When you look at the world, your eyes take it in uniquely – this is a gift.
Right now you are beautiful in your softness and meek grace, but you were made to roar, to walk in power, to be magnificent, like you have chosen to be domesticated like a housecat, but you were born to be a lion.
I pray that you will not find rest until you find rest in God.
