Sunday morning, sitting in service for the second time that weekend. It was after worship, after talking to so many strangers and feeling very discouraged and defeated. From my eyes, it was difficult to see my congregation so uninterested, so estranged, so full of indifference. As I sat behind my table and listed to Ezra pray I felt dismayed with myself and for the climate of my heart. I felt God challenge my heart and my feelings at that moment, revealing to me that I have this prideful view of myself because of this trip, misunderstanding the path I am on as the path ALL should be on, but oh how this is not so! The World Race is not the end all be all of Christianity, even of MY Christianity – it is simply a step I am taking in God’s direction, a step that not everyone will be called to take, a step not everyone will even understand. As I sat there, feeling ashamed in front of God for how I had judged my church family, God reminded me of the analogy of the church as the body of Christ, reminding me that I am just a part. It was powerful having my spirit questioned that way – “Sarah, you may be acting as the feet right now, but what good are the feet without the rest of the body – they are useless!” And it’s true, what good are those who become the feet and hands of Christ if the rest of the body is not there to function with them?
Before service started this past Sunday, I was asking God to use the day as His and guide my words and those that I talk to. I was praying out of anxiety and fear, because my fundraising is going along so slowly and I am struggling with feeling like it is impossible, which leads me sometimes to practically plead with God to help me out. I felt the presence of God settle over us and I felt his whisper in my Spirit, “The God who made the entire universe is here in this building – if I AM here what do you have to be afraid of?” And over the past few days in my devotionals verses that state the same thing seem to pop off the page at me (you know those V8 commercials where people get smacked in the head and it makes that popping sound? Yeah, that’s how I feel – BONK!)I know that line is used a lot, ‘the God who made the entire universe”, but have you ever thought about the depth of that statement? The systems and structures that my tiny brain can’t understand were made and are held in existence by the same God who’s hands hold me – and I’m worried about raising another $12,300? To me this seems like the biggest challenge life has thrown at me yet, but to God, how much of a challenge is it? My mom said to me a few days ago after one of my friends blessed me by offerening to do a fundraiser for me that she felt like God was saying, “How could you possibly think I couldn’t do this?!” And she is right.
Isaiah 45:18-19 NLT For the Lord is God, and He created the heavens and earth and put everything in place. He made the world to be lived in, not to be a place of chaos. “I am the Lord,” He says, “and there is no other. I publicly proclaim bold promises. I do not whisper obscurities in some dark corner. I would not have told the people of Israel to seek me if I could not be found. I, the Lord speak only what is true and declare only what is right.”
