This is my self-pity blog:
I miss my old life a lot. I miss waking up obnoxiously early, putting on eight layers of clothes (including my smartwool socks, two pairs of gloves, and insulated overalls), 
filling my tumbler with iced coffee and hazelnut creamer, jumping in my truck after scrapping the ice off the windshield, and heading to the barn to do work so physically demanding that I would sweat in 10F degree weather. Afterward, heading to campus and going to class smelling like the barn and seeing who was a real animal science major and who was a companion animal person by their reactions to my aroma and ripped jeans. I miss the feeling in the air on campus during the fall, walking across the Drillfield with jeans and a hoodie on my body, football on my mind, and a game of ultimate frisbee on my left. I miss the Christmas lights that hung year round in The Drunken Toucan (my house). I even miss being called “butt sweat” at The Palisades (the restaurant I waited tables at).
But why do I miss that time in my life so much? How many people wake up everyday in Africa and go out and play with fifteen or so little charcoal black kids hollering
“Muh-zoon-goo” (“white person”) at you as you look out over the ever-expansive, uninterrupted landscape of Kenya’s rolling green hills? Not many people can walk to Tanzania before lunch time then spend the rest of the afternoon being welcomed with open-arms into strangers mud-huts being graciously fed what little food they have around at the time. My life now is unreal and not a day goes by that I don’t stand back in disbelief that this is actually my life.
I am totally loving my life. If you ask any one of my three best friends from college, they will tell you that I am doing exactly what I spent the last four years of my life fantasizing about and yet I still struggle to live in this moment and I don’t understand why. Why am I never satisfied? When I was in Blacksburg, I wanted to travel the world, now that I’m traveling the world, I’m missing being in Blacksburg.
I just got done learning how to be fully dependent on God (with the team changes), now I think it’s time to learn to “not be in want” (Psalm 23:1).
…yikes.
