This month, Team Veracity is working with another team, Arise & Go. We're all living and working on the grounds of a camp. We've been gardening, painting and cleaning, preparing the camp to be ready for the summer season. A lot of us were excited to come to Romania to be involved in the community and get to know some gypsies. But it turns out we're kind of in the middle of nowhere and there are no campers yet so we've spent our time mostly alone (again with the expectations…), and with our ministry contact, Mihai. He's a quirky, tall, lanky, sarcastic Romanian and it's been a pleasure getting to know him and his heart for Jesus. The place that we met the most people was at church and the congregation of 4, yes 4 people.
The solitude that this place provides is very conducive to a healthy attitude change. For a little bit of background, I get frustrated easily and tend to have a less than positive attitude about doing anything other than the things I really want to do. My teammates know not to talk to me in the morning because I usually wake up ticked. I'd say I've had a poor attitude towards life for the past 8 years, give or take.
Some time this past week, all of it changed. I've been reading Shane Claiborne's Irresistible Revolution and it has in fact, revolutionized my attitude, thought process, and view towards life and the people around me.
Actually, after reading the first couple chapters,
I felt awful and discouraged. Here's a journal entry from April 10, 2013:
It's been interesting reading this book. It's amazing how different all Christians act considering we're all given the same demands, the salvation, etc. And it frightens me how much my actions coincide with the side of Christianity I disagree with. I turn my face away from the homeless, I deny the image of God in those I don't want to see it in. Trying to make a difference in our dark and broken world is kind of a waste of my time. Had I been a friend of Shane Claiborne and he told me I could join in the movement, go sleep in St. Edwards Cathedral and on the streets of Philly, I would have passed. All of my acts of service have been done thinking only of myself, not out of love. At all. I say I do things for God but God is in these people and I'm not loving them. Literally selling all my things and moving to Calcutta sounds awful. I can relate with Shane and his friend Andy that Jesus is actually wrecking my life. I'm a fantastic and popular sinner. Although living a righteous life isn't really glamorous, it does have a quiet but powerful appeal. I think most of that appeal actually stems from my own selfishness though… so that can't be good. But true Christianity, living the way Jesus lived, fits. But that means I have to do something now. I mean, I'm on the World Race. I'm on month 4 and all of this is just now starting to click? Just now I get a glimpse of why my heart wants to be here but my head doesn't agree. I get tired. Irritable. Frustrated. But what's that about? Living in authentic community? Being away from home? Fear of the remainder of the Race? Laziness? Unbelief? Fear of rehashing old wounds that need to be taken care of? New Christians always talk about how they became enveloped in this desire to know more about Jesus. They read the Bible until is became stale, they never miss a Sunday, they join study groups and small groups. They consume! That never happened to me. What's wrong with me? I wish God would give me step by step directions on how to live my life. Why don't I always care? I mean I definitely do. But why do I read Shane's book and just grieve? Most people are encouraged and excited about this book. It just makes me wonder what I'd need to do, who I'd need to talk to and what I'd say, and what to give up to achieve what I think is right. And if I have the motivation to do it at all. Where is my drive? This should be done all on the strength of God. But He lives in me, I just need to let go of the reins.
Stay tuned for Game Changer Pt. 2… it's the good stuff.
