CALLED?
"Called" may be too light of a term to describe how I was convinced to go on this thing. It felt a little more like the final SHOVE, an argument with God that I've been avoiding for a really long time. After having been through a really rough couple of years, God decided it was time to drag me out of the deepest, darkest corners of my hurt, bitter, resentful, desperate heart. When I thought about getting out of the country for "a month or 2", God was quick to tell me He had way bigger and better plans. Instead of running and hiding out for a while, it's been made crystal clear to me that I am not going to be let off the hook that easy…
About 11 months ago (…weird) God began invading my dreams. Literally. And without my consent (But God doesn't really wait or require consent, right?) Because of the frequency and vividity of my my dreams, I have not been able to ignore them, but instead I study them.
According to John A. Stanford (author of Dreams: God's Forgotten Language), most people have disregarded dreams and scoffed at their apparent absurdity. But dreams are facts. They exist, just as trees and rocks and birds exist. Sure, they can't be put under a microscope, and they leave only a faint memory in our brain; they remain subjective, the personal business of the dreamer. Nevertheless, as events that take place in the world, they have as much right to careful study as any other event in nature. Everything in nature has a function, so who's to say that the dream alone makes no sense?
Fortunately, at the height of this particular dream phase, I went on a vacation to the beautiful state of Maine. My grandparents' cabin nestled in the woods on the edge of the secluded Lake Kezar has always allowed both my sister and I to experience the sweetest and often the strangest dreams ever since we were children. This year, God used this place to do some serious work on me. Starting when I got there, classic symbols of spiritual growth flooded throughout every dream, every night. As I should have expected, the enemy picked up on what was going on and retaliated around Night #5, forcing upon me nightmare after nightmare ALL. NIGHT. LONG. complete with the final blow: My Possession. (It's a little graphic so I'll spare you the details.)
Needless to say, I was exhausted during my waking hours. It took me all day to shake off everything that came to me during the night. But God came back to relieve me through humor the next night. (Thanks!)
My final night in Maine, I was presented with an ultimatum (or so it feels). The overall message was that I need to leave everything behind. Not just for the year… but be prepared to leave it forever.
And thank you to my incredibly encouraging and understanding squadmates. I'm am not mentally backing out of this adventure nearly as often as before 🙂
And a special thanks to my mum, the one who told me to shut up and apply for the World Race. <3
