So here we go…FIRST BLOG! **Wooohooo!**
Please have patience as I stumble through my first few 😉
I suppose this is as good of a time as any to let you in on where my heart was and how God led me to the World Race.
It began after one crazy week this summer working with the youth group. I put in countless hours: organizing, drama-squashing, money collecting, teaching, food-preparing, supplies shopping, teen-sitting, lake jumping, movie watching, question answering, permission form collecting, event rearranging, budgeting, relationship building, phone calling, website updating, etc.
…and that doesn’t include my personal or school life which were also pulling at me in every other direction!
Now don’t get me wrong – I absolutely LOVE what I do! I love that group and I would do almost anything for those kiddos! BUT: I was drained. I was impatient. I was exhausted. I was in a drought. I was human.
Not once did I STOP. I was moving so fast that I lost sight of the reason for it all: growing to know God and show God. I was focused on accomplishing more than what was necessary. Pouring out more than what was coming in. I wasn’t in sync with God’s plan and purpose. I was focused on the goals I had set – the ones I thought I could accomplish on my own.
God knew my heart. God knew His plan. God was ready for me to listen.
At the end of that crazy week, I was confronted with THE question I was hearing increasingly more often as graduation crept closer:
“What are you planning to do after college?”
Yep. That was my tipping point. I was not ready to plan ANYTHING ELSE; however, I was forced to think about it one more time. I never felt satisfied with the options I had been considering for the last few months. I needed to be revamped! I needed a refresh. I was in a drought and I needed to experience God in ways my heart could only dream of because I had been numb to His presence. I needed a slap in the face with God’s reality. Where are You calling me, Lord? Then it hit me: The World Race! IT WAS CLEAR.. so clear, I believe it was the Holy Spirit. So I applied immediately (you can learn more about how I discovered the trip in my “About Me” section!).
I knew at the same moment I applied, I needed to run wholeheartedly toward God. Unfortunately, I had a few things holding me back from enjoying Him and I let them go impulsively. A loving boyfriend, included. It was difficult! I knew it was what I was supposed to do, so I did it *BUT* I was constantly asking God “why?” …IT WAS PAINFUL!
“but..but..but.. God! Really!? Let go of my support!? My source of joy!? Oh yeah. *doh* That is supposed to be God, first and foremost. He provides these and MORE! I couldn’t love God with my WHOLE HEART if I was offering part of it to another person. Overall, I KNEW I was letting go of something good at the chance that God had something BETTER.
Sacrifice is never easy. It never requires us to let go of something we are feeling indifferent about. Sacrifice is not about removing something we are already excited to let go of. Sacrifice is about shedding what we selfishly, truly DESIRE in exchange for something bigger than ourselves.
Poor Abraham… I am blown away by the amount of trust in God it would have taken to potentially sacrifice the one thing you idolized more than anything else: your only son, Issac. (Genesis 22:1-19)
“The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, “I swear by myself, declares the Lord, that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through your offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed me.” Genesis 22:15-18
I have to admit: I IDOLIZED having a family and being a mother. I allowed myself to get wrapped up in the possibilities. Sometimes our biggest sacrifices are “positive things” we don’t realize are getting in the way of true happiness. Having a boyfriend was my distraction.
God calls us to let go of these things that keep us from completely running toward Him. I have rarely been in a position where I knew my Father was *loudly* asking me to let go of my personal desires and to TRUST Him.
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Hebrews 12:1 ESV
Of course, soon after my acceptance, I stumbled upon the above verse from my daily reading.
WOW!
I do not believe our God allows us to go down any path (right or wrong) without letting us know which road it is (thanks for that reminder, Amanda!). The above verse was my reassurance I was going in the direction he is leading me. I am at peace. I am a little terrified of the unknown, but I am EXCITED for how God is planning to reveal Himself over this next year! I know God will provide (just like He did with Abraham).
Through the process of learning to let go and trust, pieces fell together that were unexpected and ultimately BEYOND my control. Pieces to the puzzle I was SURE I ruined. Well, you would think I would have learned by now that none of this is up to me. I absolutely cannot ruin anything if it is God’s will that it be done.
This was a test. This was the first lesson I needed to be able to allow God to move during this journey. I can’t be a servant if I can’t trust my master!
I thank God for providing such an amazing opportunity to “run the race he has set before us”…mine just happens to be the World Race.
What is yours? Where have you been called?
Here I am, Lord. Is it I, Lord? I have heard You calling in the night.
I will go, Lord, if You lead me. I will hold Your people in my heart.
