As most of you know, our race is coming to an end rather quickly… as in ten days. Lucky for all of you, this also means that our no dating contracts are coming to an end. We have pulled together the top six eligible bachelorettes from the Table Turners. These women are quite the catch. They have literally been around the world. If you, your son, your cousin, your coworker, your friend…anyone…is interested please see the email provided under each bachelorette’s profile. Now without further adieu I present to you the bachelorettes.
*Important: no one was allowed any say in their profile.*
Rachel Elizabeth Carlson
Bio:
Minnesota’s finest. Ultimate sharer of your food. Cookie monster. Laughs uncontrollably. Die hard Viking fan. Can’t finish funny stores. Laughs at people falling. Loves Fall and family. Soon to be aunt. Cries when she’s excited. Loves super hero movies. If she can commit to movies the way she does, she can commit to a relationship. Will take your mashed potatoes. Looks good with full body hives. Hates Wisconsin sports. Joanna Gaines wannabe. Brad Paisley fan girl. Golden retriever lover. Can’t sit still.
Dating Tips:
Pet peeve: slow walkers and everyone out to dinner on their phones.
Buy her anything sweet. Literally anything.
If she side eyes your food, she wants it.
It’s a plus if you can finish her stories when she can’t from laughter.
You’ll know she’s grossed out when she gags.
Play country music in the car and she’s yours.
Take her somewhere she can wear her black dress and pink heels.
Our dream guy for Rachel:
Loves Jesus. Good abs. Wears a tool belt. Sandy blonde hair. Wears plaid. Wears three quarter length shirts. Minimum 6’0.” Could be a hot lumberjack. Able to finish her sentences. Loves family.
Contact:
[email protected]
Sarah Louise Edwards
Bio:
Nashville native. Concert fanatic. Die hard Belieber. Best teacher in the world. DJ slou on that beat. People watcher. Capturer of embarrassing moments on Snapchat. Only drinks water. Loves Golden Retrievers. Hates burping. Roll Tide. Rugby player (believe it or not.) Sue’s literal roommate. Probably has a connection to every country star. Chaco wearer. Reigning pterodactyl champion. Book worm. International kid magnet. Drake. Travels with hot sauce.
Dating Advice:
Take her to a concert/festival. She’s probably been to it but take her anyway.
Will leave you for Justin Bieber. Sorry. (Get it?)
Buy her a s’mores milkshake with a donut on top.
Avoid the three C’s: Coffee, carrots, and carbonation.
Buy her a puppy and she’ll be golden.
Our dream guy for Sarah:
Loves Jesus. Athletic. Tall (at least 6’2”.) Kid lover. Brings Sarah Chick-fil-a. Does random acts of kindness. Wants to adopt kids from Africa and/or Jamaica. Fun. Outgoing. Creative. Brown hair.
Contact:
[email protected]
Emily Rae Helton
Bio:
Louisiana girl. Gumbo lover. Baker. Singer. Dreamer. Will twerk in private. Baby lover. Prefers chocolate. Loves the ocean. Animal advocate. (Especially dogs.) Family first. Scared of heights. Queen of the stank face. Talks mid laughter. Low key under cover model. Future RN. Will clean your bathroom.
Dating tips:
Extra points if you’re a football player.
Say “oh hey boo boo” in a low voice.
You know you said something funny when she claps like a walrus.
Don’t break her heart, her achy breaky heart.
Her pet peeve is being interrupted.
Our dream guy for Emily:
Loves Jesus. Coach. Athletic build. Tall, dark, and handsome. Sassy. Willing to watch Disney movies. Great smile. 6’0” minimum. Playful. Wants a lot of children.
Contact:
[email protected]
Susannah Rogers Kafoglis
Bio:
Kentucky native, Chicago transplant. Find her in Nashville. Spontaneous dancer. Will dance for food. Creative. Self written personal theme songs. (i.e. “Sue kafoglis needs to showerrrr.”) Easily cries. B+ twerker. Known for falling. When she falls she falls hard. Vlogger. Blogger. Photographer. Puts random things on head. Encourager. Horse, cat, and dolphin whisperer. Easily scared. Sarah’s literal roomie.
Dating tips:
Do not take her near steep hills or flat surfaces for that matter. She will fall. (We only want her falling for you.)
Give her a green smoothie (any food that tastes like earth.)
Stay away from caves. Trust me.
Warning: don’t take her anywhere until she’s had coffee. You’ll thank us later.
Tears are mostly a sign of being happy.
For a good time, play what are the odds.
Her pet peeve is when people smack their gum or if you put your butt on her pillow.
Our dream guy for Sue:
Loves Jesus. Creative. Looks like Jesus from The Shack. Facial hair. Wears plaid. Willing to share plaid with Sue. Smells good. Nice smile. 5’11”-6’2”. Heart of gold.
Contact:
[email protected]
Chandler Grace Mckinney
Bio:
Georgia peach. Loves unhealthy snacks. Dr. Pepper. Misplaces everything, but finds almost everything. Creative. Momma’s girl. (Hey Missie.) Child at heart. Monkey wannabe. Best known for falling asleep anywhere with her mouth open. Loves to worship. Youth ministry. Leader. Subpar professional artist. Southern accent. Hates being tickled. Terrified of the dark. Shakes her butt like a bunny. Weird sound maker.
Dating tips:
If you want to take her on a date, don’t take her to the movies. She will fall asleep.
If you don’t like double texts, don’t text her. (See as a sign of her loyalty.)
She does not like to sweat.
Facetime her constantly.
Her pet peeve is being touched.
Physical touch is a work in progress. Let her do the initiation.
McDonald’s or Taco Bell is an acceptable first date.
Our dream guy for Chandler:
Loves Jesus. Athlete (preferably football player.) At least six foot. Must get along with her parents. Willing to embarrass self. Will challenge her. Be creative in the way you pursue her. Dresses well. Brown hair.
Contact:
[email protected]
Colleen Ann Widmaier
Bio:
DC native, Indiana resident. Ben and Jerry’s enthusiast. Purdue basketball fanatic. Loves to cuddle. Runner. Tan arms, tan legs, whitest stomach. Financial director. Loud laugher. Deep thinker. Avid Netflix series and movie downloader. Hoarder (mostly of journals.) Catch phrase: “YESSSSAAAA”
Colleen’s laugh = HA HA HA. Reese’s eggs addict. Queen of the cowl neck.
Dating Tips:
You’ll know she’s excited when her voice gets high.
Show up with a tub of Tonight Dough.
Take her on long hikes with beautiful views.
Surprise her.
Don’t expect professional dance moves (#twerkinprogress.)
Pet peeve is leaving one bite of food on your plate.
Our dream guy for Colleen:
Loves Jesus. Mixed or Latino. Bilingual. Willing to travel to Vietnam. Doesn’t wear tight jeans. Brown hair. Nice eyes. Likes to run. Minimum height of 5’9”. Possibly/preferably a hot professor. Spontaneous.
Contact:
[email protected]
