Life is weird. Sometimes you step back and you realize that you’re living in the middle of Cambodia, doing life with strangers (who are becoming family), covered in red mud, wearing pink stained clothes, eating bugs with CEOs, and wondering, “Papa, what are You doing?” Some days, that all sounds really appealing, and others, you cry a lot. I’ve been away from home for a short 21 days, that feel like a lifetime. Life isn’t always pretty, but it’s always beautifully created. God has been showing me that it’s okay to take the sugar coating off. To see life for all that it is, but to also realize that even the messy parts were perfectly knit together by Him.
Cambodia has felt like home since the second I stepped foot off the plane. As I stood on the roof the day we arrived, and looked out at all that surrounded me, God’s peace flooded my heart. But, the thing about home, is it welcomes all of your mess. There’s been days of feeling hurt and pain, of processing shame and pride, of missing hugs from my dad and needing a good laugh with my sisters. There’s been days of just needing a friend, or to hear a baby giggle, or to cuddle my dog. The truth is, life isn’t easy. And quite honestly, if it is, you’re probably doing something wrong. It’s not that you have to be constantly suffering and dragging yourself through life. It’s just that hard things happen, and it’s up to you whether you push through the pain and choose to find the Father’s healing, or you run from difficulty and take the easy way out.
I’ve learned that pain is necessary for growth. Just as a child experiences growing pains, we experience spiritual growing pains as our Papa sets us free. Our natural instinct is to escape. To get out while we can. To turn our backs and run in the opposite direction. We all long to “grow in the Lord”, but we’re never willing to dive deep enough to know what that really looks like. We stand at a distance and decide what’s up ahead looks too hard. Oh how I wish I could put to words our Papa’s freedom.
This month has been full of growing pains. There were days where all I wanted to do was give up. Where sitting at home with my family, and hanging out with my friends, and spending time with my mentor and the girls in my discipleship group, sounded way easier than whatever God was trying to do in my heart. It took a lot of tears and hard conversations, hours of dialog back and forth with my Father, and miles of walking up and down the streets seeing hurt people, hurt people, to start to realize that our pain is beautiful. That our pain is worth it. And that our “pain” doesn’t actually have to be that painful.
My Papa has loved me so well. To decide to wake up everyday and choose joy, to choose to engage in what God is doing, to open my eyes to the little ways that God loves us, is radically freeing. What would your life look like if you treated your relationship with God, like your relationship with your best friend? What would your life look like if you believed God was your true love, your love at first sight, your fairytale ending? What would your life look like if you prayed with your eyes open, if you actually had a conversation with the Creator of the universe like He was standing in the room next to you? What would your life look like if you actually believed God was on your side, that the stars in the sky were just for you, that the women in the market with her baby wasn’t a burden but the gift of a smile? We spend so much time trying to escape our pain and discomfort, that we don’t see the beauty that God makes of it. In trying to eliminate the problem, all we’re doing is creating more pain for ourselves. Choose to see the ways that God loves you well throughout the day, and choose to fully embrace your growing pains in joy.
Welcome to my home!
