“Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.” A close friend of mine said this to her worried children as they settled into their new house and it seemed as though the stacks of half unpacked boxes, and pieces and parts of random toys, would never diminish. However, I’ve since realized how true this is to life. So often we get caught up in the uncertainty of it all. We look around and all we see is a mess. These last several weeks, that has been my life.
As I prepare to leave in October, the list of things I need to get done seems to be endless. Travel, paperwork, fundraising, shopping, packing, preparing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually . . . the list could go on forever. Part of me is excited and part of me is scared to death, but all of me is learning that I need to trust my Savior.
What’s so hard about trust? It seems we are constantly expected to trust people, situations, God . . . so why is it so hard? We are in training from the second we’re born, yet it doesn’t seem to matter how old you are, it is still one of the most difficult things to do. And ironically, seems to be the one skill you get worse at the longer you practice it.
I finally took a step back from the list of things I had to do, and I realized that the list itself wasn’t what overwhelmed me, it was all the uncertainties. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to go, it was that I didn’t know what to expect. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to put my all into fundraising, it was that I didn’t know how to make people aware of my trip. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to pack, it was that I didn’t know what to pack. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet with my mentor, it was that I didn’t know how to let her help me.
So often, I focus on what I don’t know. And let me tell ya, a list of things you know nothing about is super overwhelming. God has given us certain answers, and other answers He will reveal to us later. It’s not that He’s keeping them from us, it’s just that He knows when we need them.
Every time something life changing has happened to me, I’ve never had all the answers. If we have every detail planned out, we leave little room for God to work. While it’s easy to get lost in the uncertainty, I’m learning that that is exactly where I want to be. The moment I focused on Christ, and not on how He was going to get me $15,000 in four months or how He was going to ever adequately equip me to be out of the country for nine months, but truly just focused on Him, the uncertainty no longer mattered.
One of my favorite pastors said, “As long as my Dad’s here, let’s go.” And that is so true. You might feel totally incapable, and you might have no idea what your next step looks like, but as long as you’re holding your Daddy’s hand, everything is okay.
So while my life has seemed to be a mess, I realize now, that it was me trying to find all my own answers. Stop looking for answers, and look for Christ. He’s the only one who can, and will, ease the overwhelming pain of uncertainty.
“Trying to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand
So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life
It’s ready, set, go it’s another wild day
When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel You say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at My feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
There’s gotta be something more to this crazy life
I’m hanging on tight to another wild day
When it starts to fall apart in my heart I hear You say just
Breathe, just breathe
Come and rest at My feet
And be, just be
Chaos calls but all you really need
Is to just breathe
Let your weary spirit rest
Lay down what’s good and find what’s best”
