I’ve shared this statement and had conversations with so many people about this topic over this past year, and it’s funny, because I remember having best friends as a kid.
Age 2-4: John Lau
Age 4-13 (church): Amanda Ng
Age 5-9 (school): Nicole Dijanic
Age 9-10 (school): Vanessa Garofalo
Age 10-12 (school): Sarah Donald, Sarah Bertie & Hannah
Age 12-15: Lucy Brookes
Age 15-16: Amanda McPherson
Looking at this list, I’m surprised by how my views of friendship has changed. I never knew I had multiple best friends at multiple times in my life. I always thought I had one best friend and that was it. It’s amazing how things have changed since then and how incidences during my childhood have affected my views on friendship.
I remember when I was 12-13 and one of my best friends started becoming “besties” with another girl from my church and started hanging out with her more often than me. I got jealous and started to resent the other girl even though we all became great friends when we were older. The same situation happened again when I was 15. However, the biggest influence that completely changed my views of friendship occurred when my best friend became best friends with another girl and totally abandoned me, just like that. No reason. No explanation. Just stopped our friendship and made it seem like it never happened.
Looking back, it amazes me how that hurt is still affecting me. Even though I’ve forgiven that girl many years ago, it’s crazy how the fear of calling someone a “best friend” and the risk of being hurt by them has made me stop believing in those friendships.
Being on the race, I’ve found that trying to be just friends with everyone is hard. There are people that I have connected with more than others, and I see people becoming “besties” with others and I find myself distancing myself from them. Being on so many different teams has helped me not attach to anyone but after being around the same people for 7 months, I find myself craving close friendships. In Genesis 2:18, ‘The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him”’ and it reminds me that God has made us to be in relationships with people. Whether they are labelled as best friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives or just friends, we are supposed to be in close relationships.
This month, God has placed me on a team with people that I have been with previously on the race. Knowing these people aren’t here to judge or have expectations of me has brought out a side of me that I never knew would come out on the race. A side where I feel comfortable; I can be vulnerable and share my feelings and opinions; I can make stupid jokes and not be criticised when I have done something wrong; a place where I feel loved, respected and valued.
I don’t know if these guys will be considered my “best friends” now or after the race but I’m glad I journeying with them and forming close relationships with them for these last three months.
How are your relationships with the people around you? Do you have any close friendships? Whatever kinds of relationships you have, God created you to connect with people. I encourage you to seek people out or open yourself up more because you never know, you may form a beautiful friendship that you’ve been waiting for.
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