1. Depending as an Independent (6/9/2013)
I’m going to be brutally honest and admit that I have struggled with being on the WR and needing to depend on people to go with me everywhere and do things with me. Since my parents let me walk to and from primary school by myself at the age of 10, I began to grow in my independence. Walking to high school, catching public transport to Uni, driving to work or church, catching a flight to Vancouver on exchange and travelling the world on my own, this was my life and I loved it.
The first three months on the race, I found it super hard to go off on my own and do my own thing whenever and however I wanted to do it. I know it’s selfish, but not being able to go by myself for a run in the early evening or to the beach to see the sunset or walk down the road to get a cup of coffee because I can’t find anyone to go with me has been SUPER hard. Sometimes I just want to sit in my room and do nothing because I don’t want to do what the crowd wants to do.
Proverbs 15:33 says, “The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honour.” It’s ok to be independent but it’s not ok to be prideful. God created us to be in relationship with him and his people, and we need to accept that put others before us.
2. Who am I really doing this for? (20/10/2013)
When I signed up for the race, I signed up because I wanted to serve Jesus and share His good news. When I look back at the past 4 months, I really haven’t been living up to the standards that I set for myself. Am I really doing this for Jesus, or for the people around me? Why do I get so nervous about what people think of me when I share the gospel with others? Why do I stumble with my words when I confidently know that Jesus is the one true God and came down to Earth to seek us and to save us?
I was reminded in Colossians 3:23-24, “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Also, 1 Thessalonians 2:4 – “On the contrary, we speak as men approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel. We are not trying to please men but God, who tests our hearts.” And 6a – “We were not looking for praise from men, not from you or anyone else.”
3. Broken (10/11/2013)
Debrief was hard. I’ve never cried so much in my life. Having people who don’t know you recognise things about your life that aren’t Christlike is super hard to hear. Being compared to the older son in the Prodigal Son was like a stab to the heart. How could I be so naïve? I had been reading the Chronicles for the past month and didn’t once recognise that God was comparing me with the multiple kings that fell because of their pride after God had blessed them. It’s so embarrassing. I thought I was listening to God but I wasn’t, so He used other people to convict me of my sin in order for me to listen.
I always knew I had a pride problem but I never noticed it escalating over the past month. It got so bad that I couldn’t even forgive my teammates after they had apologised. Sometimes you need someone to speak the hard word to you in order for you to realise you have a problem. For the first time in my life, I didn’t know what to do and had to ask for help. I had no idea what I needed to do. I had to be vulnerable and ask for directions for how to step out of my past issues. I needed to apologise to God and then ask him for directions for how to speak to my teammates. After I did that, it was a breakthrough and now I feel like a new person. It’s such a great feeling.
4. New career? (10/11/2013)
We have been going to spread the gospel in so many foreign countries and it is difficult when we don’t have a good translator or someone that can translate the message to us when we are sitting at church wanting to hear the message from God. In Nehemiah 8:8 and 12, it says, “They read from the Book of the Law of God, making it clear and giving the meaning so that the people could understand what was being read” and “Then all the people went away to…celebrate with great joy, because they now understood the words that had been made known to them.”
Reading this passage makes me realise that there is a real need for good translators. If you have not chosen a career path or have a desire to serve Jesus in the mission field, I would encourage you consider studying to become a translator. I hope to learn Chinese after the Race so I can translate for overseas missionaries to come and work with a group of people that really need hope of Jesus Christ.
5. Time and time again… (15/11/2013)
I don’t know why God does it. Why does God continue to love us, save us and redeem us when we continue to walk away from him and do our own things? In Nehemiah 9, it lists how God continues to deliver his people time after time again in different ways after they did detestable things against him:
- “Therefore you did not desert them, even when they cast themselves an image of a calf…or when they committed awful blasphemies.” (Verse 18)
- “Because of your great compassion you did not abandon them in the desert. By day the pillar of cloud did not cease to guide them on their path, nor the pillar of fire by night…” Nehemiah 9:19
- “You did not withheld their manna…” (Verse 20b)
- “For forty years you sustained them in the desert, they lacked nothing, their clothes did not wear out nor did their feet become swollen.”(Verse 21)
- “From heaven you heard them, and in your great compassion you gave them deliverers…” Nehemiah 9:27b
- “And when they cried out to you again, you heard from heaven, and in your compassion you delivered them time after time.” (Verse 28c)
- “For many years you were patient with them.” (Verse 30)
- “But in your great mercy you did not put an end to them or abandon them, for you are a gracious and merciful God.” (Verse 31)
He did because he is a “forgiving God, gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love.” (Verses 17b).
6. If every day was Sunday (19/11/2013)
I love Sundays. I love how it is considered a day of rest. A day where we can sleep in, enjoy the sunshine or rain and head to a place where you can hang out with your closest friends and praise the living God who loved us so much that He would send His one and only Son down to Earth to die for our sins so we could be in relationship with Him.
In Nepal, Saturday is a Sunday. We went to church early in the morning and sat in a building with around 500 people. The music was glorious and it was so amazing to be able to worship in a different language with 500 people who didn’t seem like strangers but my own brothers and sisters. I sometimes wonder what it would be like if Sunday was every day. A day where we could wake up and the first thing we do is spend time with God.
The past few days here in Nepal, we have been stuck inside our hostel due to the upcoming elections. Even though it seems like we aren’t doing ministry or being as productive as we would want with the time that we have here, I rejoice in the fact that we get this extended time of rest where we can spend time and soak in the Word and really hear what our Father in heaven wants to say to us. It also gives us time to spend with our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, and share life with them, whether it’s watching movies or TV series with them or playing cards; this is our chance to make memories with one another, build each other up and apply or encourage each other with what God has been teaching us. 1 Thessalonians 2:8 says, “We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us” and 1 Thessalonians 5:11 – “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
God has given us this opportunity to rest, to spend time with Him and to spend time with the people He loves. I need to stop taking this for granted and rejoice because how often do we get time to do this in our everyday lives, especially back home.
7. Choosing Joy (20/11/2013)
Today I read a passage from Nehemiah 8:10b and had to really ponder on the meaning of this phrase. “This day is sacred to the Lord. Do not grieve for the joy of the Lord is your strength.” How is God’s joy our strength? How can being joyful be God’s way of showing His power through us?
When I think about all the times I’ve been sick, disappointed, uncomfortable, angry, tired and over everything, it takes a lot of effort to turn these emotions upside down and see the joy amongst these feelings. However, when I have chosen with God’s strength to be thankful and blessed for these experiences and stepped out in joy, it has seriously changed the environment that I’m in and I feel like the burden has been lifted off my shoulders. 
View from our hostel when we were stuck inside during the elections
So whenever I feel down or start to get negative thoughts about something, I will consciously choose to feel joyful about the circumstance because it takes boldness and strength to choose joy and it shows that I am walking in His steps.
8. Jesus is a Leper (24/11/2013)
There are so many passages in the bible that talks about when Judgement day comes and we stand before Jesus and realise that we have missed out on noticing him and loving him (Matthew 25:31-46). I sometimes wonder if I do that. That the people that I walk by is a representation of Jesus and instead of showing them love and compassion, I walk past and do nothing. “…I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me” (Matthew 25:40).
On our last week in Nepal, we had the opportunity to go and visit the Leper colony and we met a man that was paralysed and so disfigured that he was lying in one position without moving. My team and I had the opportunity to talk to him, hear his story, pray for him after reading him a bible story of Jesus healing the leper and show him love and compassion and tell him how beautiful He is.
Isaiah 52:14 says, “Just as there were many who were appalled at him – his appearance was so disfigured beyond that of any man and his form marred beyond human likeness” and Isaiah 53:2-3 which says, “He had no beauty or majesty to attract us to him, nothing in his appearance that we should desire him. He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.”
I believe that Jesus represents himself in all kinds of people, in particularly those that we least expect. Whether he’s testing us or not, we are called to love all people, because Jesus created them as well. I found Jesus in the Leper colony and with that man. Have you seen Jesus recently?
9. Do I really believe that “Our God is Greater”? (25/11/2013)
Before our ministry this morning, I read Isaiah 40:9 which said, “You who bring good tidings to Zion, go up on a high mountain. You who bring good tiding to Jerusalem, lift up your voice with a shout, life up your voice with a shout, lift it up, do not be afraid; say to the towns of Judah, “Here is your God!”
Today we walked 40 minutes up a mountain to the Buddhist temple in Kathmandu. When we got there, I noticed a massive man-made idol that was under construction and multiple people were praying and singing songs to it.
A few of my squad mates decided they wanted to do the Jericho walk around the idol and then sing “Our God is Greater” in front of it. I watched them from the distance and asked myself why I felt uncomfortable joining in with them. Why was I nervous about praising the God that I believe it in front of all these people? These Nepalese people were doing it in front of the god they believed in, why wasn’t I? Remembering the verse, I asked a squad mate to join me in praising God with a bunch of worship songs.
Often we worry about what the world thinks of us when it seriously doesn’t matter what they think. In the end God will judge each and every one of us and He will be the one that we should worry about. 1 Peter 2:23b says, “Instead, he entrusted himself to him who judges justly.” I believe the greatness of Jesus Christ and I’m not ashamed to say it or sing it.
What about you?
10. Second Chances (7/12/2013)
This month I had the opportunity to return to a passion I once had in education. I was assigned the leadership position in organising a 2-week holiday education block for all the kids to improve their English and engaged in activities that they would enjoy or never have an opportunity to be involve in. Opening up opportunities and asking my squad mates to step up and teach in areas that they were skilled or passionate about was so exciting. Brainstorming and listening to ideas of how to teach English with a bunch of qualified teachers in my squad was also humbling and inspiring.
When I was working on the timetable and trying to fit people’s preferences of when and how long they wanted to teach, I started to get stressed and pressured to try and please everyone. I resorted back to how I use to be when I taught back home and how I use to spend every moment of my day worrying and working on all my school stuff, instead of praying about it and relying on God for his help. To recognise the problem early on was a blessing and to read the bible and hear God speak to me in Isaiah 49:4, “But I said, “I have laboured to no purpose; I have spent my strength in vain and for nothing. Yet what is due to me is in the Lord’s hand and my reward is with my God.”” and “…for I am honoured in the eyes of the Lord and my God has been my strength –” in verse 5c was a good reminder.
We ended up filling up the schedule with a whole bunch of awesome classes such as English, Visual Art, Sport & Exercise, Singing, Dance, Spanish, Photography, Cheerleading, Christmas Cheer, Creative Writing, Bible Study and Health. I want to commend all the “teachers” for their hard work and commitment. They did a FANTASTIC job and the kids loved it.
11. Leaving the Race (13/12/2013)
This month, we lost two squad mates unexpectedly. Two individuals that were on fire for Jesus, were loved by everyone and had every purpose to stay on the race. I didn’t understand why God would suddenly end their journey on the race. Why them and not me? It didn’t make sense and seemed very unfair when I was ready to leave if God took me.
There has been so many times on the race when I’ve wanted to leave because I could not see God’s bigger picture of why I was on the race. Looking back on the past 6 months, I’ve realised that God has been teaching me so much about him, his character, his people, and his ultimate purpose for the world and in my life. As he continues to open my eyes to my imperfect character, my unending struggles and my need for him, I notice that this journey for me is not what I originally thought. It was a bigger picture that consisted of God developing my character in preparation for me to serve him for the rest of my life. Even though this environment, program and community makes me want to leave and do something different with my life, these are also the factors that God is using to make me see how imperfect I am and how much I still need to grow. He wants me to be the person he can use to build His kingdom in the future and I need to trust that He knows what he is doing, just like he knows why two of my squad mates aren’t on the race anymore.
Isaiah 57:1 says, “The righteous perish, and no-one ponders it in his heart; devout men are taken away, and no-one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared from evil.”
Sometimes we don’t understand why things happen the way that it does and usually we can’t see the bigger picture at the time. However, I believe God knows; he can see the bigger picture, and he loves us so much that everything he does is for our own good. We just need to trust him and have faith that he is fulfilling his greatest purpose for us.
Do you believe that?
12. One Tree Hill Lost Moments (15/12/2013)
This month, we were given yet another opportunity to spend time with the whole squad. Many people made the most of this opportunity, but I spent the majority of the time finishing the TV Series, ‘One Tree Hill.’ Many hours and precious moments were wasted as I crawled into my tent to continue being captivated by the unrealistic relationships that were being displayed before me. Time and time again I asked myself why I was doing this; why I was so afraid and uncomfortable conversing with others whom I have spent 5 and a half months with already. Loneliness, rejection and doubt about the genuine friendships I had on this race and my purpose for being here flooded my mind and I began to feel depressed and checked out. I didn’t know who to talk to or who would understand how I was feeling. I didn’t have access to the Internet to chat with my close friends back home who I knew would understand and pray for me. It was a tough month and the only person I could go to was Jesus. He told me in James 1:2-4, “Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”
Coming up to Christmas, we had “girl time” where we got the opportunity to be vulnerable with one another and open up about how we were feeling this month. I openly shared and was received with love and understanding by my squad mates who had no idea how I had been feeling. They helped me process why I was feeling this way and when this started to occur. This was a huge breakthrough for me and allowed me to take steps out of my insecurities. That evening, I spent time with a group of squad mates for the first time and it was awesome. I can’t believe what I had been missing.
A few days ago, I also finished watching ‘One Tree Hill.’ Praise the Lord that I was able to finish it before the festive season of Christmas and before I found out my team would be changing once again. Christmas time is a time to spend with family and when you find out you are going to lose family members, it makes you realise how precious every moment of every day is with the people that God has placed in your life. Even though this is the first year I won’t be spending Christmas with my beautiful family back home in Oz, I recognise that God has given me this new family, T-Squad for this season in my life and I will treasure this Christmas season with them.
Merry Christmas to ALL my family and friends from around the world. I love you all and despite the distance, which is never that far, I am thinking of you and praying this festive season is a joyous one as we remember the real reason we are celebrating this day – the birth of our Saviour, Jesus Christ. Thank you for all your love, prayers and support you have given me while I’ve been on this journey. I appreciate you a lot and am thankful for you every day.
