It is coming to the end of the race. I will be back in Huntsville, Alabama on July 28th after having been gone for almost a year. With this chapter of my life ending I am so thankful for my life, for Jesus walking beside me and the freedom His spirit brings. So on returning to the States I feel that I should go over some things I have learned about myself and grown into. I have had a year of incredible stretching, growth and identity. I am coming out of a major pressure cooker/blender called 24/7 community that calls you up to be the person God made you to be. So things are going to look differently because on different levels I am different. So here is some stuff on my heart- straight from the core unpolished and disorderly.
1. I may communicate differently. I have spent a year learning how to communicate honestly and out of love. So at some point you are probably going to catch the phrase, “feedback” come out of my mouth. I love feedback, constructive and positive. A culture of honor and honesty where you don’t hide things or let things fester to the point of passive aggressiveness- but you fight for a healthy relationship and deal with conflict when it happens, this is something that I am bringing with me back home.
2. I don’t want to talk about people behind their backs. I want to honor those around me, family, friends, coworkers ect… By being a person of integrity who cares enough about a person to stand up for them when they aren’t present and speak life over people and situations. It’s so easy, especially as women who are constantly dealing with issues of comparison and perfectionism to fall into the easy routine of building intimacy with someone by sharing a shared topic- another person. I want accountability in this.
3. Accountability is something I will need in different areas in my life and I will communicate that. Accountability is also something that I can give.
4. I want to have expectancy, not expectations. Meaning, I am on the watch for what God is doing, but not setting my heart on the 1 way I think He’s going to do it. This does not mean that I am not ambitious, it means that I trust the Father to take the lead.
5. I want there to be a clear understanding as I come back to the states and back to Huntsville that I do not know what the Lord is calling me to do or go next. I have been seeking Him about it since month 5 and the closer I get to His heart the more He changes my focus from wanting a game plan for my life to how my heartbeat of the hour, the day, looks like. How am I walking with Him, how am I seeking Him, how is He speaking to me and what is He saying now. He created us all differently and He leads us all differently. He will lead me in my life from heartbeat to heartbeat, breath to breath. Why is that? Because my security, identity, ability and heart are found in Christ alone.
6. No I am not crazy. But I am different because I am constantly seeing life through the eyes of eternity. What really matters? Do you know where I am most content and at home? It is in the presence of the Lord. Not some far off higher power but the presence of Jesus who is tender and real and worth going against the flow of a culture that puts high value on things that pass away. So in all of this for those of you who don’t agree with or understand my heart here, I ask that you would trust me and not pressure me to make “logical” moves as soon as I get back to Alabama. Give me time to A. rest, and B. to wait on the Lord to give me direction.
7. You will find me more open- I have grown to be opposed to putting up fronts to make things look, “good” or put on any kind of, “spiritual makeup.” This is a broken world we live in that is dying. People don’t need, “good” or, “put together” they need real.
And finally, I want to ask for the grace to be the person I have grown to be, not expecting me to be, say or do anything in particular, but to allow me space emotionally to breathe and simply be. I have experienced and lived in 11 different cultures and have been firmly rooted in constant change for so long… Slowing down is going to be difficult – but welcomed. I am so, so, so, so, so, SO excited to be coming home!!!!!!
If anyone has any questions for me you can e-mail me at [email protected].
Here’s to finishing stronger than what I started.
Love, Sarah
