For years I have struggled with unforgiveness to those in my past who have hurt me. And for years it has plagued my life and in turn created a very bitter and angry person.
Unforgiveness is something that can (and did) poison your life until you deal with it. During one of the awesome talks at camp this amazing person, Carly, was speaking. (and side note.. this girl is awesome. literally the coolest person ever..) She loves using metaphors and this one in particular hit home. In a radical way.
‘Our junk is like a splinter in our arm. You can acknowledge the splinter, but until you pull it out it will continue to cause pain. But even once you dig out the splinter, until you tend to the wound by cleaning and caring for it, it will continue to cause pain.. The ONLY way for this wound to stop causing pain is for you to care for it until completion. Not until that scab is fully healed and all remnants of the splinter are gone will it stop causing pain.’
Which means until I have literally forgiven everyone who has wronged me in my entire life I will still have this splinter in my arm. I will not be able to fully heal from any of it until I DEAL with all of it.
Until that talk I had only acknowledged the splinter. My splinter of unforgiveness. After a few years of being in college and growing in my walk with the Lord was I fully able to acknowledge the splinter and know that it was something I needed to deal with.
And I thought I had. I thought through nights of crying and yelling that I solved that issue.
Except all I had done was push that beach ball deeper and deeper into the water.. (another awesome Carly metaphor) What I thought was fixing the problem only made it worse. After getting a tiny piece of the splinter out I left it alone. Which made it infect my life in the hardest way.. That’s where the bitterness and anger came into play.
I was angry at the world. I was angry at God. There wasn’t a single person I wasn’t angry with. I couldn’t understand how God could “love” me, when he put me through all this pain. That’s not what you do when you love someone… right?! Love is protecting them from hurt. Not putting them through it..
Little did I know. It’s the opposite. The Lord puts us through heartache to bring us closer to him. So we can see that without him we are nothing. We need him to sustain us. We need him to breath for us when we cant.
Matthew 6: 14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive other’s sin, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
That’s hard to hear. That even when people are mean and ugly. We will not be forgiven until we forgive them. Even if it is the hardest thing for you to do. Which for me it is. I will not be forgiven for my sins until I forgive those who hurt me.
I know it’s hard and I know I still have a TON of work to do. But after that amazing metaphor given to me. I can say that I am tending to that wound. I want this splinter to be gone. I want to get rid of it for good. So let the work begin.
There will forever be hurt. There will always be people to forgive. It is about digging out that splinter and healing from it.
I would not be the person I am today if not for that hurt. I would not be where I am with the Lord without that hurt. So I say thank you. Thank you for allowing me to grow in my walk with the Lord. And I forgive you.
